My apologies to my readers...

I have been lazy :P With finals, Brigadoon and Christmas knitting, it's been pretty crazy around here.

I've made lots of cool friends on Ravelry recently, and several have been kind enough to gift me beautiful patterns that I can't wait to make! With my favorite local yarn store, The Fiber Gallery, having a moving sale in a few days, and also having received many paychecks for all the playing I've done recently, I'm psyched to fill up some of my stash with gorgeous yarns I may not have normally gotten.

I've also signed up to be part of the tinyowlknits (one of my favorite knit designers) 12 in 2012 goal, which gives me even more excuses to make all those patterns I've been drooling over. Those first patterns are what I may buy that discounted yarn for.

In similar news, my Christmas knitting thus far has been a success. My sister, aunt and uncle all loved their gifts. I think the goal of knitting gifts for only 4-5 people max for Christmas is a nice manageable goal. I hope to remember this, as it has relieved a lot of stress :) now to do a lot more knitting for me! I'm really excited for so many pretty new things!

I'm updating from my phone, so this really hasn't been the longest update, but I hope to post more later :)

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone!

To have or not have...a life?

Okay, I really promise I won't go on a rant about my practice habits. I've devoted enough blog posts to that. But it was pointed out to me today that I don't ever leave the music building. So, here I am, in the library, eating my lunch, posting a blog, and then I will be finishing my history homework. See, I can do it :D

All practicing aside, this is a rather packed quarter, even though I'm only taking 9 credits of academic classes. Somehow, they're all very reading-heavy, which takes up a ton of time (which is saying something, because I read pretty fast...thanks Mom!). I have research articles to read for my final paper for Psychology of Music, plus the text book (only 3 chapters a week, fortunately), then several chapters of reading about how to be a better, more confident musician for Performance Topics, and also a chapter for every class for my UCOR (history) class (which translates to 2-3 chapters a week). So, let me dust off my math skills here and figure that that comes to about 8 or 9 chapters a week, plus whatever research articles I read. Gah.

I love school. Honestly, it's really nice to force my brain to get in gear again, after a long summer of mindless labor. Because of how much time I lost this summer, I'm starting early to prepare for the next one. Auditions for the 3 music festivals I'm interested in are due between December 1st and February 23rd (or so), so my orchestral excerpt book and I are becoming fast friends. A few of the excerpts cross over, so it's not quite as much as it could be, but it gives me something to really focus on...especially considering the ensemble disappointments I've had at school. I've been working hard to look at my situation optimistically, considering that not having challenging school ensemble parts means that I can focus on kicking my butt in the practice room, and also focusing on my upcoming gigs. But still, it's mildly depressing going to ensembles where I feel that if people didn't notice my physical absence, they wouldn't notice me missing at all. We have a beastly large horn section, so it's pretty easy to get lost...in some ways, I wonder if people would like it better if there were less of us.

Nonetheless, I'm pretty excited for all my other stuff. Brigadoon has the first orchestra rehearsal this Sunday (which happens right after band retreat...someone remind me to save some chops :D ) and CYSO is going pretty well. I had several big breakthroughs in my lesson last night, and feel very inspired to keep working hard. Plus, I think my confidence is finally beginning to grow, this time being real, and well-founded, rather than the sham of "confidence" I had before (which honestly, was just ego).

This definitely has become the quarter of growth built upon self-reflection. It's not always fun. Who likes hearing that you're obnoxious, a know-it-all, and not that great at playing your instrument? But, because of all of that, I'm already having bigger and better growth than I have in a long time. I guess it's kind of like building muscle. To get more muscle, you have to basically break down the muscles you have, so that they can rebuild even stronger than they were before. I have a lot of hope that I'm going to keep getting stronger and better at horn. And who knows? I may just get into one of those East Coast schools I want to attend for graduate school. Time will tell, I suppose. And it's completely up to me to get there.

So, now that I've digressed from the title of this blog, let me try to move back a bit. Having a life is getting weird. Since all of my free time is in the morning, I spend it like a normal person would spend an evening--practicing and doing homework. (Er go why I'm in the library typing a blog.) My evenings have rehearsals and...sleep :D Since most of my close friends are now deeply entrenched in their majors, meaning tons of labs, student teaching, practicing, etc., we don't see much of each other. I see lots of people in passing...and sometimes I'll get lucky and some poor non-music-major friend will venture into the music building and we'll end up eating lunch together. Fortunately, I'm not going crazy yet, and for those moments where I'm really frustrated or upset (about my horn usually), there are many people there ready to kick me in the butt and get me going again. Thank you to all of you :)

So, to answer my question, I think I like my psuedo-life. I am both lacking and maintaining what the average person considers a "life". Though...talk to me again at mid-terms. It is only Week...3(?) after all.

Three cheers for music majors and their "lives"!

~Allie

And the countdown begins...

Three days until classes start. I am so ready, though, I guess this isn't really where I should admit that I haven't bought my books yet? Well, honestly, one of the books I read for IB in high school, and two I think I'll just download on my Kindle to save on shipping. The other book I may ask James to split the cost and just rent from the bookstore, since we're taking the class together.

Nonetheless, I'm ready for the ball to get rolling. I've been getting a lot of practicing in the last few days, working really hard to make sure my face is in shape by the time school starts on Monday. I had a lesson yesterday and got some assignments so that the first week of school isn't useless when I'm spending my hours in the practice room. Seriously, as much as I hate those rooms, I nearly hugged mine when I walked in...it's nice to have a place where I can play as loud and as much as I want without a practice mute, and I don't bug anyone...(or if I do, there's not much they can do about it, considering I'm doing my version of homework). Having my schedule back for practicing will rock too. I don't have classes until the afternoon, so I'm already planning on getting as much practicing done in the morning as is possible.

I'm sorry, I realize how much I talk about the time I spend with my horn. I guess that's just kind of my life right now, no matter how dull it seems to others. I have my good days and my bad, and right now I'm feeling pretty on fire. There's part of me that is on the verge of grabbing some more bus money to run back to school so I can put another hour in. If school had already started, I wouldn't have stopped myself, but without practice room monitors working, they're probably already locked. Boo on Safety and Security.

It is hilarious how each of my professors react when they see me on campus. Yeah, I am one of the music librarians, so it makes sense that I'm having to prep music ahead of time, but it's pretty funny when they give me that odd expression that says, "Why in heaven's name are you here? I'm not ready to deal with you and your kind yet!" Yup, that's a fact...professors procrastinate just as much as students do. Don't let them know that you heard that from me, though...they don't want anyone giving away their secrets :D

My calendar is prepped, my lips are being beaten into submission (nicely, of course, but they will be able to handle 3 hours of practicing plus ensembles by Monday!), and now all I need are some silly (and expensive) books and I am all set. Bring it on, junior year. Bring it on.

~Allie

Yay internet!

I've been dying to update my blog for several weeks now, but around the holiday weekend, Comcast decided they weren't able to send someone out to set up our internet until yesterday.

The apartment is still a bit of a mess...I came down with a sinus infection during my three-day weekend, which seriously interrupted our progress. However, the vast majority of our stuff is put away, our kitchen and bathroom are completely functional, and we now have cable and internet. I feel like our living room is doomed since right now my knitting and its coordinating supplies are scattered all over it, and yet it gives it a nice homey touch. Though, I think I'm going to make a goal to put all of my stash away so that it takes up less space than it is currently.

We tested the apartment out as a hang-out tonight. Ana, Sara and I all sat in one corner knitting our respective projects while James and Jordon played Super Smash Bros. on James' N64...which, by the way, has to be one of his more brilliant ideas for personal amusement when at my place :) Everything seems to have worked out well...it's not perfect, but how much in life is? This apartment pretty much rocks.

Living in Ballard is wonderful. I tested out the convenience last week on one of my days off and ran errands on foot all morning. I managed to go window shopping, drop off dry cleaning (Yes Mom, you were right, pleated wool skirts don't pack well :P ), get a haircut, and go browse the library. Basically, Ballard is all the convenience of a small town, with all the variety of a major city. I love it! We'll see how much I still like it when school starts and I'm commuting to SPU instead of downtown.

Speaking of which, I CANNOT wait until school starts up again. Working is great, the paychecks are nice, but I'm ready to get back to being a full-time student with only a part-time job. I'm ready to live my life in the practice rooms (and wherever else I practice) and attend classes, commute on the bus using a card rather than cash, see all of my friends, and go crazy with how many ensembles I have...this will be a great year, and I can't wait to start it (and hopefully on the right foot) :D

I added another ensemble to the list of ones I'm involved in at school...I didn't think 5 was enough, so I auditioned for Cascade Youth Symphony...and now I'm their psuedo-principal horn player :) I say psuedo because I won't always be playing first, but rather, they trade around the lead parts based on the difficulty of the piece compared to the experience of each player. Translation: the more challenging the piece and the solos in it, the more likely I'm on first. I really don't mind the idea of not always being lead, since I love having other people getting the chance to play some solos. Plus, in the big pieces that we can't play at SPU (like Jupiter from the Planets), I'll probably be playing the horn parts that I need the experience in.

Basically, my entire point in adding on CYSO is to bump up my contact with major orchestral works that I'll probably be building my career upon. I want to make sure I'm getting as much experience as is possible.

I also reached the 10% mark on my hexipuff quilt today...80 hexis down, and only 720 (or so) to go :P I enjoy seeing it come together bit by bit, and seeing my bag fill up. Life is good, and I'm excited to see it keep coming by day by day :)

~Allie

A rather short update...

Well, it's now mid-August, only two weeks until September, and Ana and I are still apartment hunting. We've found lots of potential places, but it's highly competitive to get an apartment starting September 1st. We're crossing our fingers for an awesome apartment in Ballard that would be incredibly convenient for both of us. An update on this later will hopefully get posted.

In my bigger news of the day, I finally got a new phone! My poor old phone that I had had for over 2 years suddenly got the white screen of death (so if you've tried to text me in the last two days, sorry, I didn't get it), and I was pretty much cell phone-less. I ran down to the AT&T store downtown today and found out that to get the 3G iPhone would only cost me $5 more than what I was already paying monthly, so here I am with a brand spanking new iPhone! I've never owned a smartphone before, so all of the fun new things like email and applications are quite the new experience for me. I'm really excited to use my "Onebusaway" app for riding the bus in the morning.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot to say...still working full time and enjoying my weekends where I can actually get stuff done (since they're on Tuesday and Wednesday rather than Saturday and Sunday). James did take me out last night. We had sushi and went to a movie (The Help) after wandering around UVillage for a while. I love him so much, and I definitely feel so blessed to have such a keeper!

Love to you all!

~Allie

Life at its finest

Nearly six weeks until school begins yet again, and three until I (hopefully) move into my apartment with Ana. I think I'm going to keep working for another 5-ish weeks so I can maximize the amount of money I can make before working only 10 hours a week again in the school year.

Oh yeah, did I mention I got a job? I bus tables at an awesome little cafe by Pike Place. The best part, besides the fact that I have said job, is that I'm getting to work full time, make minimum wage hourly, plus tips! I think this week I've already worked 27 or so hours, and I'm still on for a full day tomorrow, so about 35 hours this week? Thank you, God, for supporting me and helping me save lots of money!

I found a knitting project for commuting every day, also, as lace doesn't travel very well (and you have to be able to look at your pattern while knitting lace anyway). It's called the Beekeeper's Quilt, and it's the cutest thing ever! Basically, I knit tons and TONS of hexagons that are only a few inches wide, then whenever I'm done (in a few years :D), I attach them all together and have a beautiful, colorful quilt! I have about 30 "hexi-puffs" and have been very fo

rtunate to have many wonderful people who have given me yarn so that my blanket has been incredibly inexpensive thus far! Here are some of the puffs I've knitted (though I've knitted a lot more of course!). They take about 30-40 minutes for each one, which makes them perfect for riding the bus downtown, watching tv, etc. Eventually I'm sure I'll get really sick of knitting them, but until that happens, I'm hoping to keep blazing forward!

My goal is a full or queen sized quilt, which I've estimated will need about 800 puffs (see why I said it would be a few years?). When Ana and I move into our apartment, I'm hoping to convince her that we need a pretty (large) glass cylinder or something for a centerpiece so I can store my puffs for everyone to see! They're so pretty, why would I want to hide them?

Also, an update in the horn aspect of my life, I finally bought new mutes, as mine wasn't up to snuff. I got a new straight mute to replace mine, and also invested in a practice mute, so that even when I can't access the practice rooms, I can still get practicing done. Both mutes are made by Ion Balu, an awesome mute-maker. (Mute maker? I think he probably has a better title than that :P) I'm expecting to get them on Tuesday, which will be perfect since it's my day off! I'll hopefully post pictures whenever they come :)

There's not much more to be said for now, except that I'm excited that I'm over halfway done with summer. I can't wait to see you, SPU friends!

~Allie

On summer and lace knitting

I love having a job now. Well, having a psuedo-job. I now am a busser at the same little cafe where my sister waitresses, though we haven't actually done the paperwork, nor do I have a real schedule. But, just last week I put in fifteen hours, and I know that my boss thinks I'm doing a great job, and is talking about me in reference to the future. *crossing my fingers* that it all works out!

In the meantime, however, most of the rest of my time is spent practicing (well...hardly. *looks down in shame* I really have been happy with putting in an hour a day, which has been super inconsistent. I'll be glad to get back to school.) and knitting. Having met with my horn teacher several times this summer, I know I'm actually still making progress in my playing (not having ensembles helps make my practice sessions more strenuous since I'm not worried about saving face for later), but I know I could be doing so much more. I'm getting over a lot of my confidence issues...maybe I'll learn to play fortissimo as well solo as in an ensemble?

Now that I'm off-duty for dog sitting, I'm going to work really hard to get a daily schedule put back in place. I'm hoping a schedule could look something like:

6:30 AM Wake up, eat breakfast, exchange pjs for biking clothes.

7 AM Bike to athletic club, swim for an hour, go through whole routine to get ready

9/9:30 AM Bike back to house, get horn out, practice for an hour

10:30 AM Take time to do stuff around the house (laundry, going through stuff, etc.)

11:30 AM Make lunch

12:00 PM Practice horn

1:00-4:00 PM Find a cool place to hide out and maybe knit/read a book/practice again?

5:00 PM Dinner

6:00-10 PM Maybe get to hang out with people (*cough* James *cough*)

10:30 Be asleep!

Of course, then the schedule gets fudged on days where I work, since when I become all "regular", work will start at 7 AM, which means I have to be on the bus by 6:15, so on, so forth. *sigh* This is mildly frustrating. In fact, I think it's the chief reason I wish I was back at school. I'd do anything to have a set schedule again.

On a totally different note, I'm discovering that I'm really into lace knitting. For my non-knitting followers, envision those beautiful tablecloths that people like your grandparents would pull out for important occasions. No, I'm not knitting tablecloths, but I'm doing that same style of knitting. It's so beautiful and delicate, and there's something terribly exciting about knitting something up, then after washing it and pinning it the way I want, I get a dried product that is much larger and more beautiful than what I got to see as I was knitting it.

There are lots of different kinds of knitters, I've determined. My aunt loves knitting socks, and my friend Olivia is passionate about sweaters (she's determined to get me to knit one). I like socks and really want to learn to knit a sweater, but my go-to project type is becoming "pretty lacy things." Also, for the record, I like knitting projects that have cables...that cool braided effect just makes me happy (and they look much harder than they really are!).

For those of you rolling your eyes and laughing at me for such a lame hobby, at least I can say that my hobby makes things that I can wear or give away as presents :D I think I have half my Christmas presents ready to go already!

'Til next time,

~Allie

Summer update number...two?

So, yeah...I know...you're all sitting there, enjoying your summer, not being asked to do anything that might use brain power, and now I'm posting this hoping you'll read it. Well, don't worry, there's not a whole ton to say (I mean, it's summer, what kind of drama could there be, right?).

Well, anyway, I'm still living with my aunt and uncle, who just took off for their last big trip of the summer, so I'm on Baxter-duty again. Not the worst place to be, even without a real job. I have some other pet sitting jobs lined up for the next couple weeks after they come home as well, so I'm not completely screwed. I'm very happy to know that I am blessed enough to have a roof over my head, food to eat, and even means to pay for my trip and the few bills I have to pay. My family has taken excellent care of me, and I am incredibly grateful.

I got to go to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter, which was excellent, I might add. I was glad to have to opportunity to go to my first midnight premiere, though to be perfectly honest, the havoc it wreaked upon my sleep schedule wasn't really fun. For that reason, I may resume simply going to see the movies a few days after they come out.

James left for Arizona almost a week and a half ago, meaning only a week left and I get to see his face again! For a lot of different reasons, we've been running just on phone calls, rather than skyping. It's hard not seeing his face, but it makes me appreciate his voice way more than I typically do when he's around.

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people around me. To all of you who have talked to me, taken care of me and loved me, thank you so much! I love you all :)

Allie

It's summer, and the living is easy

I have gotten so much knitting done, it's not even funny. Well, maybe it is. Honestly, I really like how I relax while knitting...between it and swimming, my stress levels are down in the basement.

I'm fascinated by some things that have come up in my life recently. There's a pretty cliche idea about how you should learn from your mistakes, but no one talks about how to avoid making mistakes in the first place. Don't get me wrong, there's some good reason to make mistakes, since sometimes it takes standing in the coals to figure out how (or how not) to do something. I'm pretty much the poster child of learning the hard way. Remember how your parents always told you not to stick things in the electrical sockets? Yeah, I still stuck bobby pins in and ended up having my mom pull me off because I couldn't let go. Trust me, I never made that mistake again, but obviously, that could have been avoided.

So, here's the idea: try learning from your friends and family's mistakes. Another example on how I'm going to try this out comes from just some day to day stuff. I was working the other day, and decided to go and practice for an hour. A friend I haven't seen in forever texts me, asking if I'm up to anything because they're in town and has some time to go get coffee. Since I was bike-commuting, I requested that they come to me because it would be faster, meanwhile putting my horn away (I got a warm up in first, so not a total loss) and running up to get on my bike to get to the coffee place. I get in, order my drink, then sit down at a nice table. They keep updating me with calls and texts, and I'm told that the Fremont bridge had gone up, delaying them for a while. Then, fifteen minutes later, I get a call and my friend tells me that they really need to run back and pick up their friend that they were hanging out with, drop them off somewhere, then they'll come back to have coffee. Another half-hour passes and I start to get frustrated because it feels like I'm being blown off. I call up James to tell him what's up, and just to find someone to talk to since there wasn't much to do in the shop anyway. Then I get the text:

Hey, it's just not going to work out today. Sorry.

Oh, I was so angry...I can't even describe how angry I was. James got to hear the lovely rant I had, mostly about how sick I was of people just taking my time and wasting it because all they could think about was their own schedule, their own lives, and not having consideration for the others around them.

Life lessons from this situation: be punctual...or call if you're not being punctual. The other person could use your lateness to get stuff done rather than just sitting around waiting.

Next, don't try to just stick someone into your schedule. I think that was the most hurtful part of this situation. I was just smashed into an apparently full schedule, so therefore I was the first thing to go when the schedule was starting to fall apart.

Third, don't tell someone you're not going to show up by text. By God, you had better at least call. Texting is super convenient, and a fast way to tell someone some information, but if you're standing them up, it's so un-kosher, it's not even funny.

So, all three of these things are going to be pieces of information that I keep in mind so that none of my friends will deal with the same stuff I have (or hopefully they won't). I'm not trying to be self-righteous, I know I'm going to screw up...I already have so much with my friends. But if I start working to learn not just from my mistakes, but also from others', then maybe I'll end up being a better friend than if I just concentrated on my own mistakes.

Moving into the update part of my blog (since I figure that's why most of you are here), Baxter hates his splint, so my day is full of amusing him so that he stops chewing it off. Baxter's a dog, for those of you who just thought that I'm friends with one very odd child.

I finally got scheduled to have a lesson tomorrow, which is exciting. Hopefully I'll keep moving forward in my playing. I know that an hour a day isn't where I was during the school year, but I can still see improvement happening, and this actually is the first summer where I'm actively practicing.

Swimming and biking is continuing, and I can feel my body getting whipped into shape, which is a very different feeling than my usually soft muscles. I can't wait to see how my arms and legs look at the end of this summer :D

I hope everyone is having a great summer and goes out to enjoy some sun (take sunscreen!) :)

Allie

A quick update, nearly a month later...

Here we are, a month after my last update, and life is awesome! The last month has been up and down, but mostly moving in the upward direction (what other direction can you go when you've just completed another 8 months of full-time school?). I finished spring quarter with a cumulative 3.4 GPA. It's down just a tiny bit from last quarter, but I can't really complain after how much stuff happened near the end.

Just before finals week, I was nearly done with all of my packing when, while sleeping, I apparently clenched my teeth together for something like 6-8 hours straight out of stress. Obviously, my jaw did not appreciate this, and I was in a serious amount of pain. James, being the sweet guy he is, decided he wanted to help, and brought me ibuprofen and took me up to a sports store to get an athletic guard (the dentists say they're just as good as a night guard made in an office). The vibrations were awful, and I'll admit to crying most of the way there and back. *Side note, James made a quip about how I'm not allowed to have children with this kind of pain tolerance :D* The night guard was a good idea, but I was in so much pain, I couldn't handle the idea of trying to make it. Since clenching was what caused my pain, I didn't really want to do any more clenching, even if it was only a minute of it to help make something that might help. I'll admit, this was probably stupid decision number 2 (number 1 was not having a night guard weeks earlier when the dentist told me to go get one).

By the end of the weekend, I was mostly moved into my new place, and in just as much pain as ever, if not more. I probably was still grinding my teeth at night, the pain just causing more stress, causing more grinding, causing more pain, etc. By either Monday or Tuesday, I went into the school medical office and saw a nurse practitioner. She prescribed me muscle relaxants for the nighttime, and Vicodin for the pain. Story's over, right? Wrong :/

The Vicodin did absolutely nothing. I was in even worse pain, the muscle relaxants helped some, but they weren't controlling any pain either (for good reason, that's not their job). I don't think I made it another two days before James came over to my new place (which is my aunt and uncle's house, by the way) and found me curled up in a ball crying in one of the armchairs, with a very concerned one-year-old golden retriever trying to figure out what was wrong. I had a final that afternoon, but I knew I wouldn't make it, so I called my professor's office phone. I kind of pulled myself together before the call, but clearly it was obvious that I was in pain because he asked me if I needed to be calling 911 instead. Oh, and he was totally fine with me missing the final and making it up later.

After hearing from someone other than James that I seemingly needed to go to the hospital, I finally agreed, and the two of us headed over to the ER nearby to see what was wrong. I didn't get a new diagnosis; the doctors in the ER agreed that I just was in a lot of pain, that it would go away eventually, and the point was to control it now. They also informed me that part of the reason the Vicodin wasn't working was because it was not an anti-inflammatory, therefore ibuprofen would be more efficient in this case. So, they sent me off, with a stronger muscle relaxant, instructions on how much ibuprofen to take, as well as Percocet.

Never, EVER try to have a normal existence while taking Percocet. Even though I felt somewhat sane, there were many moments where I felt like I was floating around the ceiling, and apparently my friends had a heck of a time trying to understand me, since my speech was rather impaired (apparently...I only knew that I was having issues finding words a lot more than usual).

So...the point is, the pain went down enough that I was willing to make a night guard, which also coincided with the completion of all my finals, and the end of my sophomore year of college. Suddenly I slept way better and soon after, I was able to reduce down to just ibuprofen. Thank God.

Meanwhile, since then I have puppy-sat for my wonderful hosts, started working regularly in the library, knit up a storm, and went to a friend's wonderful wedding. I bike everywhere, swim nearly every weekday morning, and eat tons (yes, my friends, Allie is eating three good meals a day! What exercise will do for a person!). I can come and go at will, I go to work when I want to, work as long as I want, and leave whenever I'm ready. I practice before and after work (sort of convenient when you work in the music department) and knit in all the rest of my free time. Life is good! (and low-stress, which is exactly what I needed)

Tomorrow brings the beginning of a new lace project, some more swimming and work, but I really do look forward to each day now! Oh, and I've discovered Seattle's public library system...what have I been doing all these years without it?! So many knitting books I can have access to!!!

Until the next interesting thing happens (probably my birthday in T-minus 11 days),

Allie

The end is drawing near

...and I feel so unprepared for it. It wasn't very long ago that I was pondering how long this quarter was taking to go by, and now it's nearly time for me to move out. In my master plan, I start packing this weekend, and move a majority of my stuff next weekend. I'll be living in two places at the same time for about a week and a half, but after finals are done on Wednesday, I'm hoping to get everything out, and be completely in at my summer place. I'll be there that week anyway since it begins my puppy/house sitting summer.

I hope to get lots of knitting, practicing and working done this summer, but still maintain some time for relaxation. I want to really keep up with my horn, since that seems to be a lax point of my summers previous. I have so far left to go with it, and I can't lose any time. I lost so much in high school, I've got to make up for it and get to where I know I can be. Maybe I'm a little selfish too, and am hoping to get an edge up for everything coming up next year. I don't want to just be another horn player, I really want to push myself to be the best I can possibly be so that I can really get recognition (and good recognition, not like, wow, she's such a jerk/sucks/etc. kind of recognition) and gigs and stuff. I have a lot of books to buy, techniques to learn and perfect, and excerpts to beat into submission.

Also, a confession. I started to get caught up looking at wedding stuff again. It's so easy to fall into the trap, and I did well for several months...but yup, I can confess to looking at dresses, and pictures from other weddings. It's gross, actually, reflecting on how much of my time it sucked up in the last few days. So, I'm bookmarking the few sites I really adore, and then ignoring them until...whenever I actually need them. I hardly look at my bookmarks anyway, so hopefully out of sight, out of mind. I don't have the time, resources, or need to get married any time in the near future (at least not until I have a degree under my belt), so I really don't need to look at it. *sigh* SPU, you and your "ring by spring" stereotype need to go bury yourselves deep underground and stay there.

Meanwhile, I haven't gotten a proper amount of sleep in a week, so I'm going to make a point to sleep a full eight hours tonight, and jump start this process of getting my body back into a nice routine. There is no time to spare for getting sick right now. Summer, here I come!

Allie

Nobody panic! I'm still here :D

It's been a crazy few days, that's for sure. Saturday was spent full of knitting, and an unexpected date with Olivia :) I got this lovely text Saturday morning asking if I wanted to go to tea, and maybe take a jaunt up to Greenwood to get some yarn. You can't really appreciate how wonderful it is to do two things so unrelated to music, until you get off campus and get to pursue a fun hobby like that :) I bought a huge book of lace patterns (44 of them!) that I want to start trying out, since I've started knitting lace, as well as some beautiful merino worsted yarn that I used to knit a cowl for my aunt in thanks for her teaching me how to knit all those years ago. Good conversation, good environment, and excellent tea made for what may end up being one of my favorite memories from this year. I got a little obsessed when we got back on campus, and finished the cowl at about 8:30 that evening, and was so excited about it, I just *had* to call Becky and ask if I could drop by the house. (Long story short, she loved it!)

Then came Sunday--the Reconciled tour. *Insert ominous music here* I got up at 5:15 so as to be up, ready, with all my stuff at the bus at 6:30 to check in all of the wind symphony people. I was running on about 2 hours of sleep, which made for a very tiring day, but I think it got me all emotionally prepped for what I was playing. It was actually really beautiful when we played the two services at the Presbyterian church down in the Auburn-ish area. God was definitely present for both services, and it caused me to almost cry (I had to concentrate just enough on playing that I didn't) in just the sheer joy of being so close to God. The concert back at SPU that night, however, was the icing on the cake. It was loud, but glorious. For all my whining about how tired I was afterwards, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Yesterday was just full of practicing and normal Monday stuff. It's kind of hard to enter the real world again after such an experience (post-camp feelings, anyone?), but by today, I think I've settled back into the routine.

As for what reflections I've done in the last few days? There's been a lot of prayer involved, and assurance by those close to me, but I'm finally beginning to see how far I've come these last few years. I feel as though there's not much left of the girl I was in high school, and I'm not sad about it. I like who I am now much better. I'm more respectful, mature, and honestly, a lot happier. I've become closer to God, and I actually care about what I'm doing, in school, and definitely when it comes to my horn. There's lots left to learn, but I know I'm on the right path to figuring it all out as it happens.

~Allie

Forgiveness

I think of all the things I've ever had to do in life, forgiving someone for a wrongdoing is definitely one of the hardest. Well, maybe second-hardest behind asking for forgiveness. You see, in my mind, it's not ever enough simply to tell someone you're sorry. That's like stating your hypothesis without actually backing yourself up. The real purpose of an apology, at least if you want to work towards fixing what has been done wrong, is to say that yes, you were wrong, and that you wish the other person would forgive you. Now, sticking your neck out there to not just say you're wrong, but also to put yourself at the mercy of another person? That's really tough. And really nerve wracking, because what do you do if they say no? (Thank God, I don't think that's ever happened to me, so I can't answer that question, but I always wonder it when it comes time for me to ask forgiveness from someone)

Now, on the other hand of this apology is the person who has been wronged. This person doesn't really have a choice over whether the offender is sorry. I mean, it's really nice to hear that someone else regrets what they did, but what can the other person do with that? But when you've been wronged and the person comes to you and asks for forgiveness, suddenly the situation is put in the hurt person's hands. As a Christian, I'm taught to forgive anyone who comes wishing for my forgiveness, and I think most of the time I'm pretty willing to do so. When a friend comes to me after an argument, I'm willing to think to myself, "Hey, you know, I think that they're really sorry, and they're willing to put themselves out there to ask for forgiveness. I care for them, and our relationship, and I want everything to work out. I'm willing to take this argument and not worry about it again." Because to me, forgiveness isn't pushing aside the issue and forgetting about it, but instead is taking the situation, learning from it, but then choosing not to judge the other person (or persons) for it any more.

But there are always times when I really just don't want to forgive someone. Lord, help me in those moments, because they're when I need to turn to You most. I'm sure you know the situations that make you hesitate to forgive: the friend who just keeps doing the same stupid thing, apologizing and asking for forgiveness and then re-offending; the person who has hurt you so deeply, it sent you emotionally reeling for longer than you can even remember; the person you trusted most with something precious (whether a secret, an object, etc.) and they managed to break that trust in a way you can't even fathom.

I struggle so much with forgiveness. It's (relatively) so easy to say the words "I forgive you," but to actually let go of the pain and work again at the relationship that has been damaged? They say actions speak a thousand words, and this is definitely one of those situations. Just saying the words isn't enough, you actually have to release the other person and no longer hold them to this trespass.

I've recently been reading the book UnChristian. It's a fascinating study that follows research done on my generation (people from ages 16-29) about their reception to the Church and why they have such opinions, from both inside the church and outside. The author does a great job of providing unbiased facts (the book is full of the statistics from the research, as well as graphs, and quotes from the people who answered the surveys), as well as taking what is shown in the research and connecting it to what Christians are both perceived to be doing, as well as what they're actually doing.

Initially I felt a terrible guilt trip from it, considering all the situations I have been in that are similar to ones mentioned in the book. At the same time, however, by the second or third chapter, the author started commenting on perceptions of those in the church, as well as those who have had similar experiences to mine (having a very negative experience directly involved with a Church/its members) and decided to leave the church. I don't feel so alone in my opinions anymore. I had commented to my friend John (the one who let me borrow this book) that I do have faith in God, believe in the Bible, but just don't trust the Christian church, and his response surprised me. All he said was, "You're not the only one."

I guess I'm so used to others looking at me and either A) they're non-Christians who understand what it's like to have a negative experience connected to Christianity/the Church or B) they're church-going Christians who, having bought into the importance of connection (and probably looking good to others), go to church religiously (haha, I couldn't resist) and look at me so oddly when I say that I have a really hard time going to church because I feel as though I can't trust the people around me. I know that's a long-winded sentence, but the point I was trying to make is that I had never heard of others who still are interested in church, but struggle with it at the same time. It is such a relief to know you're not alone.

I'm not done with the book yet, but hopefully the deep thoughts and revelations will continue as I keep reading.

On a less theological note, today was beautiful, and was officially the first 70+ degree day Seattle has had in over six months. I practiced outside for one of my sessions, though I chose to do it in the shade because I had already sat out in the sun earlier, and it was just too hot when one of my arms was getting a steady stream of 90+ degree air. It was really lovely, and I enjoyed myself. Also, on behalf of the sun, I was released from oceanography thirty minutes early to go enjoy the sun. Only wind symphony was tough because everyone's really high strung and stressed out about this Sunday's performance. I have to admit, a lot of the prep work for this concert is very last minute. I didn't put my pencil back in its holder on my horn until rehearsal was over because I needed to make so many reminders for myself. It's amazing how surprising an F# is when you've been playing in three to four flats for the last couple of pieces. *sigh* I hope it all works out. Oh, and to everyone who missed out on Natasha's senior recital (and knows who she is, of course), you totally missed out, because it was *awesome*!

Thank God it's...well...Saturday now :P One day to relax, while still being productive. I'll start by sleeping.

~Allie

A random short blurb

It's amazing how when life goes so far downhill, it can only go uphill again afterwards. It's sunny, and beautiful, and I have really awesome friends who help me "borrow" couches from the Moyer lounge to sit outside. Yup, this is life at its finest. All I have to get through is orchestra tonight, and then I don't have anything until 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. Lots of practicing time, and homework time (since band is stealing half of my weekend), and hopefully some being with James time.

I'm a little bummed out that oceanography isn't going as well as I hoped. I'm learning so much from the class, but because it's exam-based, I'm struggling grade-wise. Test anxiety sucks. I have a couple more big ticket items, and I'm going to study my butt off for the final. If everything goes perfectly, I'll get a B+ in the class. *crossing my fingers*

I don't have any brilliant thoughts today, but there's always hope for tomorrow :)

~Allie

Oh goodness...I = stupid.

Yeah, life. It's dramatic. Needlessly so, too. I'll spare people the actual drama because obviously the only way to make drama bigger is to share it with more people, but I can say that I honestly biffed on this one. Intentions were good, but execution? Yeah, sucky. I'm definitely taking this and putting it in my lists of "things that should never ever be done" and "boy, you really were an idiot that time."

M'kay, all done.

Meanwhile, I think I've made a couple decisions today that may pan out well. The first being that I think I'm going to audition for one of the youth symphonies next year because I still have a year/two until I age out. Probably I'll choose Cascade because I like the environment better than Seattle. Also, I'm making the goal right now that I will practice three hours a day every day during the summer. (Hold me to this, guys!) I really can't afford to take any time off, and I have a ton of room left before I'll even be close to where I need to be.

The sun makes it difficult to want to do any homework, practicing, etc. It's so tempting to just ignore the world and go read a book instead. Soooo tempting. But, business before play, right? Dear God, please help me do all I need to do for the next three weeks.

My conclusion for this week, thus far, is epic fail. Maybe I'll figure it out next week. And who knows? Tomorrow may improve. It's a new day, right? And for all of my friends and family, I hope you'll forgive me when I screw up. I'm accepting here and now that I have done it, I probably am doing it right now, and will most definitely do it some more in the future. I'm sorry for not saying the right thing, or doing the completely wrong thing, or just in general being an idiot. I'm going to keep trying to get better at this whole thing called life, and I'm begging for your patience as I keep tripping over myself.

101. I am thankful for all the people who see promise in me, even when my head is stuck in an obscure orifice. You guys are awesome, and I hope someday I'll see what you can.

Decisions, decisions.

Today has been full of decisions. Not life-changing ones, mind you, but little ones. I registered for classes for autumn quarter this afternoon, and began discussing with Rodger what pieces to play for my junior recital next year.

I can't wait for this upcoming year of school, though I really can't wait for the summer to come either. It's been a school year full of growth and a ton of improvement on my horn. Only four weeks left and I'll be done with my sophomore year, and pretty much all of my major. The next two years will only consist of taking a few classes, both required and fun, and getting to be amazing at horn. It's so frightening knowing how far I have yet to go, especially knowing what needs to be prepared for graduate school auditions. At the same time, it's comforting knowing how far I've come. Special thanks to my dad for constantly reminding me that I've proven that I have the drive to do this, all I need to do is keep going!

(I'd like to insert a side note here and state that I just discovered that I'm able to use indentations for paragraphs, so for any of you who are as anal about grammar and spelling as I am, we can now exhale a collective sigh of relief. *sigh* )

I felt very accomplished today because I finally got over my composer's block and got my final theory composition started. Twenty measures down, and only...well...I don't know how many to go. But I'm confident because the ideas are flowing, and all I have to do is sit down and write them down (before they vanish). I hope this horn solo is as beautiful as what's envisioned in my head, because I'd be disappointed otherwise. It's funny, though, because I've never thought of myself as a composer. Honestly, I'm better at being a catalog of what pieces other people have written than coming up with original ideas. Before my current ideas came to mind, I walked around humming lyrical lines from Stravinsky's Firebird. It was a sad moment each time I fell in love with what I was humming, then realized that it had already been done. It probably should have tipped me off that half of the melodies in my head had orchestrated harmonies, but hey, what can you say? This solo is definitely becoming my baby, to the point that I'm very nervous showing it to others. The performance of it will be fun though! (I hope)

I'd like to throw out a challenge to my wonderful readers. I know lots of you are checking in to read, but I'd love to know who you are! I'm hoping whatever was wrong months ago with my comments has been fixed, so leave me a note saying you were here! Thanks for reading :)

~Allie

I am thankful for...

I've decided that I get so caught up in my own life that I forget how blessed I am. So, I'm going to sit down and come up with one hundred things I am thankful for in no particular order.

1. My family, who always supports me and tells me they love me.

2. The opportunity to go to a Christian university.

3. Faculty who actually care about me as an individual, and want me to succeed.

4. An "aunt and uncle" who are willing to be my psuedo-family here in Seattle, come to my concerts, help me with my knitting, give me a place to go in the summer, and feed me when I'm sick of campus food.

5. The talent and opportunity to play beautiful music.

6. The rain. Not because I enjoy it, but because it makes me appreciate the sun so much more.

7. My kindle--it makes reading books fun and not heavy :D

8. Knitting. It's a wonderful distraction from life sometimes.

9. My wonderful guy, James, who is always supportive, loving, and patient.

10. My friends, who always remind me that it's okay that my major sometimes makes me go crazy...they love me anyway!

11. My horn. It's a beautiful instrument, and I'm so grateful to have a horn that will last me far longer than I may use it.

12. My private teacher, Rodger, who never gets annoyed when I can't get something, like hand-stopping, and instead helps me figure out how to understand it better...and works with me until I get it.

13. Dr. Chin and Dr. Hanson for both pushing me to become a better and stronger musician.

14. Livingsocial and Groupon, for making date nights (as rare as they are) with James inexpensive and fun!

15. My mother teaching me that Goodwill and Value Village are really good places to find anything you need.

16. The sun in Seattle. When it comes out, this city glows.

17. The internet for being such a lovely distraction, and a great tool too. (Facebook stalking, anyone? lol)

18. Practice rooms...as much as they make you sound terrible, they make you better too. And they save my dorm from having to listen to me practice.

19. Frisbee/tennis/soccer--they get me out into the sun!

20. My awesome bike gives me transportation for the nice days, and doesn't cost me gas money!

21. Music--it always inspires me and gives me hope.

22. Tea, which is the best antidote to a rainy day.

23. Having my saucepan returned to me after two months of being MIA!!!!

24. Loose-leaf tea. I still haven't figured out what makes it so much better than bagged tea, but I do enjoy it a lot!

25. Knitting with friends. So often, knitting is a solitary act, but getting to share it with friends, and share frustrations over dropped stitches and lace-weight yarn makes it fun!

26. Flowers blooming in the trees outside Moyer.

27. Flopping on a friend's bed to watch movies after a long week of school.

28. Listening to birds chirp. Chickadees and robins are by far my favorite because they remind me of home.

29. Being able to see all the gorgeous colors of the seasons.

30. Sleep.

31. Living on such a small campus.

32. Picking my own classes!

33. And having such a small school so that I have a block schedule, rather than weirdly spaced out classes.

34. Making schedules

35. A life full of many different kinds of experiences.

36. Horseback riding/horse showing!

37. All the memories of driving all over the state with Mom and Dad.

38. Being able to say that I've fallen off a horse at a full gallop and got back on (after a week banned from riding because of a concussion lol)

39. Learning to read at such an early age (thanks, Mom!)

40. Having so many different types of schooling (private, public, home and co-op/home school group)

41. Performing!

42. Never knowing what it's like to be hungry or homeless.

43. Living near the ocean.

44. Hot, dry summers in the desert.

45. Being able to spell!

46. But also having spell check at the ready :D

47. Living just a couple-hour car ride away from home.

48. Being able to skype with my parents.

49. Faithful readers who seem interested in reading about my life.

50. Websites like hornmatters.com that teach me about my instrument.

51. Resources like IMSLP!

52. Obsessing over crazy horn recordings with people like Eric. (Who is willing to geek out just as much as I do)

53. People who do the jobs I could never dream of doing (like construction work!)

54. DIY projects that remind me of #53

55. My ever-patient friends who understand that they may not get their knitted Christmas gifts for two years...*sheepish grin*

56. Laying in the sun on a blanket

57. Forgiveness

58. Opportunities to do gigs like playing for All-State/Northwest concerts

59. Becoming friends with people who didn't like you originally

60. Jigsaw puzzles

61. Sudoku!

62. Who ever is the people in the practice room who are helping me complete those crossword puzzles :D

63. Umbrellas

64. Discounted tickets to places like the symphony, opera and ballet

65. Living in Seattle

66. Eating breakfast with James every morning

67. Having a roommate for next year

68. Miles fixing my bike!

69. Bike trails so commuting is safe

70. Cell phones

71. Chocolate chip cookie dough!

72. Pints of ice cream.

73. Long battery life for my computer (thanks, Dad!)

74. Dishwashers

75. When people ask how you're doing, and actually care about the answer, good or bad.

76. Just because I love it so much, MUSIC!!!

77. God. I don't know how that ended up so late on my list, but really, truly, I'm thankful for God.

78. Freedom. It sounds cheesy, but I'm able to write whatever I want. That's really cool.

79. The Four B's: Bach, Brahms, Beethoven and Bruckner :D

80. My odd, but loving relationship with my sisters.

81. Playing/practicing in the sun outside.

82. Hand-written letters.

83. Care packages.

84. Homemade goodies.

85. Love.

86. James' family...they do so much for me, and I'm just his girlfriend :D

87. Fresh clean clothes.

88. My parents, for never giving up on me.

89. Warm blankets.

90. Medication to control what I can't.

91. That the two conditions I'm medicated aren't severe.

92. Pictures of friends and family.

93. That nothing is stopping me from doing what I love and following my dreams.

94. Having a fast metabolism.

95. God providing what I need.

96. Being taught to be humble about beauty.

97. White board calendars that keep my life organized!

98. My job in the music library.

99. Everyone who's told me that I'm beautiful, worthwhile, and a good musician when I'm unable to see it.

100. That I can have so many things to be thankful for!

To all the people in my life, thank you for being you. Each and everyone of you has touched me somehow, and that touch is profound, no matter how small. You let me be me, and help remind me that being me is in fact okay. Again, thanks. :)

~Allie

I'm still alive!

I meant to update my blog two days ago, only to find out that blogger was down, and last night I had a concert that distracted me ;)

I've spent the last week on the verge of a burnout for a variety of different reasons, some personal, some related to school. I'm happy to report that the crisis has been averted, mostly because our concert last night countered a lot of doubt that was starting to creep into my thought processes. For example, I kept putting in my daily hours of practicing, then going to ensembles and getting chopped out before the end of rehearsal. Not that this is logical, but I kept wondering if I actually was building endurance. Plus, add to that how ridiculously boring it is to do the same things every day in the practice room for a week at a time. Well, it paid off!

As is my normal routine for concert days, I got a good night's sleep, got up, had breakfast, then had a nice and easy warm-up. That half an hour was the only time I touched my horn until the sound check. We got to the concert and I made sure to pace myself through all the pieces, knowing that 1812 Overture was the finale and I basically don't rest in it at all. I'm happy to report that I wasn't even close to chopping out at the end of that concert! The only sore part of me was my left arm from not setting down my horn for an hour. :P

I'm so glad that so much stress has been thrown away, and I can be back to "normal" again. Now just three more weeks, and I'll get to let my brain ooze out my left ear for the next four months. Hooray. (<--sarcasm) I'm not worried about anything that's coming up these next few weeks either, since the worst of all my classes happened around midterms. Thank God, I've survived another year of college!!!

Thanks to everyone who's been reading my blog. You guys are great and it makes me feel very encouraged that so many people care enough to take time out of their days to read my odd babbling about this crazy twisted set of tubes.

~Allie

A brilliant beautiful Tuesday

Yet again, Seattle blessed us with a beautiful sunny day, and I got reminded how terribly pale I am. Seriously, I glow.

I discovered a really interesting article today, on my favorite horn related site. It was discussing the drama that often occurs in the music world, and its relation to the Karpman Drama Triangle. There are three points to this triangle (but only one person): the Rescuer, the Victim and the Persecutor. It's not the persecutor who starts this vicious cycle, however, it's the Rescuer. Here's what Mr. Hembd had to say about the Rescuer:

Rescuers are fairly easy to spot. They get caught up in enabling and helping people – whether they need it or not. They see themselves as good and doing good for other people. Their approach can vary, ranging from soft-and-gentle (passive aggression), all the way up to being assertive and bossy (active aggression).

They offer unsolicited advice and will rationalize it as “I care so much” or “I am just trying to help.” Rescuers are generally not aware that pity and disrespect are often at the core of their behavior ( i.e. “I know what’s best for you”). (...)

A Rescuer will typically slide into feeling victimized (“Poor me, I give so much, yet no one returns my efforts or truly recognizes them”). In time a Rescuer will even grow to resent their target (“That jerk just doesn’t get it. Why did I waste my time?”).

This cycle goes round and round, and with each shift in roles there is Drama, hence the name of the model. What is most destructive with this cycle for musicians is that it is all about the Drama, which ultimately stands in the way of problem-solving and progress.

My eyes have been opened. Honestly, I've always understood this cycle, to some extent, and understood the roles of the Victim and the Persecutor, but never had thought about the Rescuer. Suddenly I can identify where so much drama has started in my life, and I really can't be surprised any more when drama crops up because I feel that I'll be able to identify the source (especially in my own thinking, when I'm the one causing the drama) and really be able to quell it before it even begins. Who'd a thunk?

The author does state that one of the best options for avoiding this as musicians (and people really) is to pull away from the problem. He says, "What the drama triangle illustrates for us as musicians is the value of being non-reactive, and somewhat detached and non-judgmental in our practice."

He does also note that this doesn't mean be completely devoid of emotion, but rather identify the source of the emotion, and find an appropriate reaction rather than speaking out rashly.

--If you want to read the article, here's the link--

Favorite hilarious forum discovery of the day:

Handspun? Dang, I’m jealous! You know how to spin.
I have a top whorl drop spindle and a bit of roving and a book - I really want to learn this so I can make my life even more complicated than usual by knitting socks (hah!) with yarn I spun myself… very small socks - perhaps earring-sized socks or pendant socks or amulet-bag socks or even keychain socks…or maybe just part of a sock, say an elegant toe or a smashing ribby cuff…or a single heel flap dangling from the beginnings of one gusset…

Maybe I should work The Secret (TM) on it: you know, INTEND to spin and INTEND to knit socks from the yarn I spin - intend VERY DILIGENTLY and VERY HARD and FOR A LONG TIME, think positively sock-tastic thoughts, intend - intend - think hard - see myself walking in transparent clogs, showing off two knitted objects more or less covering my feet - more or less the same size, more or less the same shape; color matching optional, also pattern consistency - just make ‘em wearable…It’s artistic license, stop laughing.
Want perfect Kitchener? Just visualize it really hard. Ask the Universe for it. And it shall be done. Make it so, Universe. Make it so. And while you’re at it, manifest me that second sock…

~Allie

Practice...class...practice...lunch...practice...etc.

I wish I could report a more exciting day, but that's pretty much it. I stuffed 3 hours of practicing in pretty much every gap in my schedule. I did have fun this afternoon playing tennis with James, Ana, and Nicole :D Look at that, the pasty music major is getting outside!

Today I learned something new, though. I can never ever be satisfied with what I do in the practice room. I really needed that reminder that even after doing three hours of practicing, I still have tons of room for improvement. I just can't be satisfied with only putting in an hour or two because I'm not going to get anywhere. And you know the best part about spending hours in the practice room? (No, it's not the feeling of sweating off half of my body mass) I'm so busy focusing on what I need to do, I don't have the time or energy to wander around comparing myself to others. It's the weirdest thing, but the amount of practice time I put in is directly proportional to how bad I feel about myself compared to others.

--I'm going to interject and note that yes, it's really inappropriate to compare. It's a terribly bad habit, and I'm definitely going to work harder on not doing it. --

As I was saying, the more time I spend in the practice rooms working to make myself a better musician, the less I really care about how others are doing. I think a lot of it has to do with guilt. When I'm not putting in the practice time like I should be, I feel guilty, and then have to justify myself by walking around telling myself how much better I am than others, when that's really A) useless and B) crap. It's a much better feeling when I've done what I need to do, and know that I'm on the right track. I CAN do this, and I'm going to.

Also, I'm happy to say that because my practicing is done, I can sit back, relax and knit until my lesson at 9. What a lovely Monday!

Allie

Thoughts from the weekend

First of all, let me apologize to anyone who noticed me not, well, being here. I *finally* finished James' blanket that I started around our first Christmas. Then, feeling accomplished about finishing that huge project, I decided to try out my first lace pattern. It actually has lots of firsts: my first lace pattern, first time using lace weight yarn and the first time knitting a shawl. Though, I have to admit, lace is depressingly slow going because it seems really squished and small while you knit it, until you block it. (A translation for my non-knitting friends: blocking means getting the final product of your knitting damp or wet, then laying it out on a cushion and placing special pins and wires throughout it to stretch it out to your desired shape.) So, after a day and a half of working on it, in its squished state, it looks barely big enough for my teddy bear to wear. *sigh*

Knitting is wonderfully addictive, and it was actually really nice to just have a weekend away from everyone around me. Plus, it gave me an excuse to avoid all the questions last night as to why I wasn't going to Hall Ball. Truthfully, I just needed a weekend off. Midterms are draining, and I needed some relaxation to help heal the canker sores.

I didn't completely miss out on the fun from Hall Ball, however! No, I didn't go to the Star Wars exhibit, but I have now watched 5 of the 6 movies. I'm drawing the line after I finish Episode II because going through with watching Episode III will most definitely keep me up too late.

I think I've also learned this weekend (or relearned) that I need to be careful how I handle my feelings. Maybe it sounds stupid, but another one of my friends got engaged this weekend and I got super frustrated. I'm not even certain why. I think part of it is that I find it mildly ridiculous that so many people are getting engaged, and half of them aren't even 20 yet...and also, I barely get used to one person getting married or engaged, and another one posts pictures or statuses about getting engaged/married yet again. But most of all, I think I'm frustrated because I know that my relationship is just as serious, but James and I have decided to put off any thoughts of engagement until we figure out what's going on with graduate school. Translation: I won't know when we're going to get engaged until we figure out where we're going, if we're going, and when we're going. That puts the approximate range of time between spring of next year and sometime about 3 years from now.

I have to admit the thought of such an uncertain thing, and the fact that I really have no control over it is going to be a test of patience for the next however long. I pray that I do learn patience from this, because it's definitely not one of my strong suits.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go hide my shawl before I start itching to work on it. I'm banning myself from knitting unless I've gotten all 3 hours of my daily practicing done. Well, and homework too. Maybe that will motivate me? :D

Allie

I promise this will work...maybe.

I wish I was brilliant at blogging. Mostly I'm forgetful, and it's not like I'm in a foreign country where basically the only way I can get a hold of people is through my blogs. Then again, sometimes it's okay just to write a few sentences to remind the world that you exist, rather than worry about sounding brilliant.

It's beautiful in Seattle right now. The sun is out, the sky is clear, and I really want to practice my horn in my room instead of sitting in dark Crawford. I wonder if it would bug people much? I could try playing into a pillow :D

Saturdays are just best for relaxing. Pondering all you accomplished in the last week and start setting goals to improve for the next one. Personally, now that my mouth doesn't cry in pain every time I play in my middle register, I'm going to practice a lot more this week. I actually started getting out of shape, in just 3 days. It's frightening how easily that happens.

I have a lot of little decisions to make over the next few days, ones that aren't life changing, but still make a definite impact on life. God help me make the right decision, and do what is wise.

I'm excited for the summer, but I keep wondering: where in heaven's name did sophomore year go?? I swear I was just moving in a few months ago! Oh well. They always say that the older you get, the faster the years fly by. Next thing I know, I'm going to be walking through Safeco Field receiving my diploma. *shudder* But not yet. Until then, I'm going to continue working my hardest and enjoying my college years :)

Allie