All practicing aside, this is a rather packed quarter, even though I'm only taking 9 credits of academic classes. Somehow, they're all very reading-heavy, which takes up a ton of time (which is saying something, because I read pretty fast...thanks Mom!). I have research articles to read for my final paper for Psychology of Music, plus the text book (only 3 chapters a week, fortunately), then several chapters of reading about how to be a better, more confident musician for Performance Topics, and also a chapter for every class for my UCOR (history) class (which translates to 2-3 chapters a week). So, let me dust off my math skills here and figure that that comes to about 8 or 9 chapters a week, plus whatever research articles I read. Gah.
I love school. Honestly, it's really nice to force my brain to get in gear again, after a long summer of mindless labor. Because of how much time I lost this summer, I'm starting early to prepare for the next one. Auditions for the 3 music festivals I'm interested in are due between December 1st and February 23rd (or so), so my orchestral excerpt book and I are becoming fast friends. A few of the excerpts cross over, so it's not quite as much as it could be, but it gives me something to really focus on...especially considering the ensemble disappointments I've had at school. I've been working hard to look at my situation optimistically, considering that not having challenging school ensemble parts means that I can focus on kicking my butt in the practice room, and also focusing on my upcoming gigs. But still, it's mildly depressing going to ensembles where I feel that if people didn't notice my physical absence, they wouldn't notice me missing at all. We have a beastly large horn section, so it's pretty easy to get lost...in some ways, I wonder if people would like it better if there were less of us.
Nonetheless, I'm pretty excited for all my other stuff. Brigadoon has the first orchestra rehearsal this Sunday (which happens right after band retreat...someone remind me to save some chops :D ) and CYSO is going pretty well. I had several big breakthroughs in my lesson last night, and feel very inspired to keep working hard. Plus, I think my confidence is finally beginning to grow, this time being real, and well-founded, rather than the sham of "confidence" I had before (which honestly, was just ego).
This definitely has become the quarter of growth built upon self-reflection. It's not always fun. Who likes hearing that you're obnoxious, a know-it-all, and not that great at playing your instrument? But, because of all of that, I'm already having bigger and better growth than I have in a long time. I guess it's kind of like building muscle. To get more muscle, you have to basically break down the muscles you have, so that they can rebuild even stronger than they were before. I have a lot of hope that I'm going to keep getting stronger and better at horn. And who knows? I may just get into one of those East Coast schools I want to attend for graduate school. Time will tell, I suppose. And it's completely up to me to get there.
So, now that I've digressed from the title of this blog, let me try to move back a bit. Having a life is getting weird. Since all of my free time is in the morning, I spend it like a normal person would spend an evening--practicing and doing homework. (Er go why I'm in the library typing a blog.) My evenings have rehearsals and...sleep :D Since most of my close friends are now deeply entrenched in their majors, meaning tons of labs, student teaching, practicing, etc., we don't see much of each other. I see lots of people in passing...and sometimes I'll get lucky and some poor non-music-major friend will venture into the music building and we'll end up eating lunch together. Fortunately, I'm not going crazy yet, and for those moments where I'm really frustrated or upset (about my horn usually), there are many people there ready to kick me in the butt and get me going again. Thank you to all of you :)
So, to answer my question, I think I like my psuedo-life. I am both lacking and maintaining what the average person considers a "life". Though...talk to me again at mid-terms. It is only Week...3(?) after all.
Three cheers for music majors and their "lives"!
~Allie
