Self-reflection

I've been pondering...what is the purpose of my blog? There are the simple answers to that question: to give me an outlet to talk to a wider audience about my views, to update my friends and family into my life, or to share projects and ideas with others. The funny thing is, I'm not sure it matters as much to me what the purpose of my blog is as much as how much can/will/do I update it? See, there are those who have lots to say, and so they update daily (or even more often in some cases). There are people who practically never use their blogs. I lean towards that side, unfortunately, but now that I've reevaluated my schedule for this summer, I think it's time for me to step up and use it more frequently.

So, what is my schedule like for this summer? Okay, honestly, I have no real solid idea either. If I worked both of my jobs with the hours I would like, I'd be putting in about 50 hours a week. I might get a day off once in a while. I'll be exhausted, and it will take all my willpower to even think about practicing my horn when I get home in the afternoon/evening. I'll be able to afford the cost of living, plus save up to buy my new horn. Maybe even go to my horn camp in July (though there are a few bumps on the road to that one still). But after all that, I'll break even. I'll have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a shiny new instrument to play, and practically nothing in savings. I think the new horn is worth it, though. And way better to buy it basically with cash than to take out a loan on it, or use a credit card. (Dear science friends, you know how I teased you with how your textbooks each quarter cost over $500, while I used the same book for theory for two years? I think this is where it all evens out. :P)

I'm ready for the summer to come. I had two papers due today, which the knowledge of is overwhelming in and of itself, not to mention the actual process of writing said papers. With them complete, I'm only 5 journals entries, a research proposal, and a final exam away from being done. Oh, plus Ivy Cutting and Commencement. *internally kicks self for being required to do post-finals concerts* Also, I got all of the music ready for our final two performances, with relatively few hitches. And I got a free massage! You can say it was a productive day, but it was also incredibly draining.

Tomorrow promises to be a better day. Proctoring an exam for my aural skills kids at 8:30, getting some practicing done, then work from 1:30 til about 4:30 (I keep getting done with training early...hard to get training that is only really is going through the motions of being a barista, while also staying out of the way of those actually making drinks, and trying to soak in as much information as possible so hopefully I won't crash and burn on Saturday), plus a concert (SPU orchestra!) at 7:30. Did I mention my professor lost my music? Yup, I didn't, he actually lost it for me. At least he can't be mad at me :P But that's on my to-do list too...print out new music. Thank God for pieces that are public domain.

On a more reflective note, I think I'm realizing that I've grown more cynical of not only myself, or of life, but also of those all around me. I'll make a confession right here and now (which will hopefully give background for this discussion): I've had a few drinks while at college, and I'm still not 21.
Okay, so most of you guys are probably rolling your eyes and sighing at me. Mom and Dad, sorry...but I promise I did it very responsibly! Anyway, the point is, I'm realizing that it's just not that fun and interesting for me. I think when I do turn 21, I'll go to a bar or a nice restaurant, enjoy flashing my ID and ordering a drink, but the actual drinking part isn't really fun. I'm too tiny and metabolize everything too fast for me to really have even one drink without getting tipsy, and because of that fact, the couple of times I have had drinks with friends, they seem to only be interested in the hilarity of how lightweight I am when it comes to alcohol. I'm not super amused by it any more. Plus, I don't like how I feel when I have alcohol in my system. It's like being unmedicated for my ADHD, I feel out of control, with no real understanding of how I'm acting or coming across to others.

So, my grand conclusion to that whole big paragraph? I'm over the idea of the fun of alcohol. And in a lot of ways, I'm glad I learned it before I turned 21, because then I didn't have the danger of being out and about and buying a lot of liquor. Maybe it's because I'm not a big party animal, and I've never liked huge gatherings of people, so the "fun" of drinking parties is lost on me. I don't have to try drugs to know that I want nothing to do with them, and even though I've tried alcohol, I think I'm never going to be the type to get drunk on purpose, or drink past my limit. And here soon, I will be 21, and I'll be going out with good, close friends whom I trust very much to take care of me (and not in the get-me-drunk-off-my-rear sort of way).

And now, my friends, I shall bid you adieu until the next big thought or two come into my mind...or the next random occurrence that you should all share in happens.

~Allie

A gigantic life update

That's right, it's life-update time! It's been a crazy quarter. I mean, most quarters I have seem pretty crazy, but this one has been busier than usual.

Reason #1: I'm actually taking a bunch of credits of classes.
I decided that this would be a great quarter to take two general education classes, on top of my music ones, so I'm actually hauling what most people call a normal number of credits. 17, I believe. Unfortunately, upper division gen eds have a tendency to kick your butt when it comes to homework. If I'm not in a class, practicing, or sleeping, I tend to be reading for these two classes (Modern East Asian History and Christian Theology, if you were curious). Or, at least I was until the sun came out to play again. Being in Seattle makes you appreciate the sun more, but it also makes you want to do nothing but be outside when the weather is not only sunny, but also around 75. I find this kills any motivation for doing homework faster than an ant can find a crumb in your kitchen.

Reason #2: I had my junior recital in the middle of the quarter.
May 7th, to be exact. It was amazing, and went wonderfully, and I was really happy. But it was quite the time sucker for a while. Lots of rehearsing and practicing and more practicing, plus mock performances...it ruled supreme in my life for quite a bit leading up to it. I'm happy to have it over, but I really can't wait until my senior recital next year. It's going to be awesome!

Reason #3: I started a new job.

This has been fairly recent, in fact I only started working there last week, but I'm now a barista at Starbucks! I have one picture of me with my apron and everything on, but I look super sleepy, so I'll pass on sharing it for now. None the less, it's taken away some time as well. I love it, and I definitely think it's the coolest work environment I've been in...maybe ever.

So, there you have it. That's where I've been. Racing around like a crazy person, hoping to God I remember to buy groceries so I can eat, and finishing off my third (oh gosh, yes, my third) year of college. I can't believe that this is my last graduation I'll be playing at. Well...strike that. I am RELIEVED this is the last graduation I'll play at. Trying to start my job early makes it really obvious to me that I'm stuck doing school-related things long after I would be done. But, on the other hand, I already have two summer jobs lined up, I just hope that I can juggle my schedules decently. 

This graduation is definitely hitting closer to home than the last two have. I've been closer to a lot of the people in the class of 2012 than I was with previous classes, and I'll be sad to see them go. I actually panic a little because there are people who I've considered friends at college that I may never see again, and that makes me sad. I hope to stay in contact with a few of them (more than just the occasional happy birthday on facebook), but I'm still a little unsure how to do that without being bothersome. I'll figure it out, I suppose.

The timeline my life is mostly following feels like it's always speeding up. I know everyone says that life just seems to keep rushing away from you, but suddenly I'm making plans for graduate school, and saving money like a boss (haha) to buy things like a new horn and a trip to Florida before I'm completely out on my own and paying for everything. (A side note, the trip to Florida is in fact an educational thing. It's my trial run with the guy who hopefully will be my professor in grad school, just without the cost of a plane ticket to Switzerland :D) It's also meant a lot of deep discussions with James about where we are and where we're going. 

Relationships are personal things, and I like thinking that mine is fairly private. Thank James for that, all you people who barf at signs of affection...he's the one with all the common sense for those kinds of things. (haha) But none the less, not very long ago we reached our 2 1/2 year mark, and I was kind of flabbergasted. It's not a bad thing; I'm not unhappy or anything. Mostly it's just crazy to think of how long we've been together. I also get teased occasionally about how when we finally get engaged, everyone's just going to sigh "Finally" rather than be surprised. Sorry guys, it's going to be a while yet.

 That's one hard realization about how life is going along. With him taking an extra year to graduate (though a BS in computer science is worth it), and I'm going straight on to grad school, it just doesn't seem practical to start a marriage any time soon. And it's okay. We're very young, have a lot of life yet to live, and have time to spare before making a huge decision like that. It's a good thing, in a lot of ways, because it gives time for him to live truly out on his own and check out the real world without another human being to support, and it gives me time to make sure that music is what I want to do, and explore some of the world without worrying about being completely settled. 

That doesn't make it easy. (And for those of my friends who have read this rant and for some reason have stuck with me for this long on this blog, skip to whatever next part is coming that isn't related to our relationship :D) It is hard seeing other people start dating, get engaged, get married, etc. while he and I are still dating. But just reminding myself that we're doing what we see is best for us and our lives helps to reassure me when the green monster of jealousy is running rampant. We'll see how I'm doing this time next year when ring-by-spring-itis has really kicked in. I am a little sheltered, considering James and I are the only dating couple in our group of friends, it seems. Most everyone else is single. Thank you, guys, for putting up with us!

Okay, so back to the point. I'm alive! My dad started chatting with me on facebook this morning and commented how he and Mom hadn't heard from me in a while. I'm still here, really...at least I'm trying to be. 

A couple other random facts that have popped up since I last posted...I learned how to crochet. Really, I learned how to do a double chain, but it's perfect for what I need. I've been knitting this awesome blanket called the Beekeeper's Quilt for a long while (since last July) and finally decided to give myself that extra push to get really working on it again, I would start joining it together. 

So, each of the hexagons I've been knitting individually out of different yarns for a while. I embroidered on some of them (I spy with my little eye...a mushroom, a piano, a sheep, a bluebird and a swan!) and decided to make them the center of the "flowers" with coordinating other hexis as the "petals." Then in between the hexis is where the crocheting comes in...double chaining for days!!! It makes for a more flexible blanket than I would have gotten (I've been whip stitching the hexis together for maximum strength) before, and it makes up for the fact that they just aren't all the same exact size. I really like the effect the black yarn makes too. It sort of looks stained-glass-like and makes each individual flower stand out. Unfortunately, after joining about 100, I realized that my variety in what hexis were left was very limited. So...back to the knitting I go! ~180 hexis down, and I have no idea how many left to go. On the up side, people have given me tons of compliments on the one big joined section of the blanket thus far. 

So there you have it, that's a look into my life for the last few months. Hopefully once school gets out I'll have lots more adventures to share with everyone, probably full of fascinating interactions with customers. 

~Allie