"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."
-The Holiday
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Finding joy in the midst of insanity
Winter quarter is always rough. Most of the stress and lackluster parts of winter quarter seem to be due to the hardest classes being offered then (second quarter of Theory II anyone?), and because no one has seen the sun in Seattle for about 4 months and counting. Add on graduate school auditions, and trying to figure out what in heaven's name I'm doing with my life, and you get even more stress. There's a reason I took hardly any classes this quarter (beside the fact that I'm basically done with my degree)...I don't have time to have homework!
This makes for an unhappy Allie, especially since it seems that both of my grad audition trips were/are in the middle of really important periods of time in my classes. Round one was during midterms; round two will be during the week/weekend before finals. Kill me now...
It's been really difficult since I got home from my first round of grad auditions as well. With all the stress and build up of January pushing towards grad auditions, I came home and found myself feeling without direction in my practicing, and overwhelmed by everything that needed to get done. There were loose strings everywhere in my life, from homework, to pieces to prepare for different performances, music to be filed in the library, a whole bunch of crazy stuff with family and friends, and to top it all off, I was jet lagged. There were many tears shed last week, and probably way too much time spent just trying to figure out how I was going to get it all done.
I found direction though! I'm excited to say that the wind ensemble parts for the concerto I'll be playing in the spring concert were shipped to us early last week, and I handed them out to the band on Friday. That being done, I've gotten my butt kicked back into gear. Nothing worse than passing out a piece to your peers and then fearing you can't play it yet to motivate you to go learn your piece backward and forward. Along that line also came the realization that I would have to schedule my recital jury for mid-April, which is only two months away! I only have half of my recital down so far, and clocking in at well over an hour's worth of playing, I have my work cut out for me. (I don't know how I keep having long recitals...junior recitals should be 25-30 minutes of playing; mine was 45. My senior recital should be 50 minutes worth of music, and it's currently pushing 70...sorry friends and family who are watching it!)
I also have wonderful, supportive friends who take care of me, and listen when I need to vent. I'm super blessed in that. Yesterday was registration for spring quarter, and I can tell you that all of us were freaking out, making sure we could get registered for all those last classes we needed for graduation. I think it definitely counted for the lowest point I've had all quarter, and two of my friends took time out of their busy schedules just to come and make sure I was okay.
So, after two hours of good practicing today, a completely full schedule set for next quarter, and the promise of an amazing meal tonight, I can say that I have pulled myself out of this stupid lurch I've been in, and am ready to move forward and do awesome things with the rest of this quarter.
Also, did you know that enthusiastic horn playing can break fingernails? New lesson learned today!
Allison
This makes for an unhappy Allie, especially since it seems that both of my grad audition trips were/are in the middle of really important periods of time in my classes. Round one was during midterms; round two will be during the week/weekend before finals. Kill me now...
It's been really difficult since I got home from my first round of grad auditions as well. With all the stress and build up of January pushing towards grad auditions, I came home and found myself feeling without direction in my practicing, and overwhelmed by everything that needed to get done. There were loose strings everywhere in my life, from homework, to pieces to prepare for different performances, music to be filed in the library, a whole bunch of crazy stuff with family and friends, and to top it all off, I was jet lagged. There were many tears shed last week, and probably way too much time spent just trying to figure out how I was going to get it all done.
I found direction though! I'm excited to say that the wind ensemble parts for the concerto I'll be playing in the spring concert were shipped to us early last week, and I handed them out to the band on Friday. That being done, I've gotten my butt kicked back into gear. Nothing worse than passing out a piece to your peers and then fearing you can't play it yet to motivate you to go learn your piece backward and forward. Along that line also came the realization that I would have to schedule my recital jury for mid-April, which is only two months away! I only have half of my recital down so far, and clocking in at well over an hour's worth of playing, I have my work cut out for me. (I don't know how I keep having long recitals...junior recitals should be 25-30 minutes of playing; mine was 45. My senior recital should be 50 minutes worth of music, and it's currently pushing 70...sorry friends and family who are watching it!)
I also have wonderful, supportive friends who take care of me, and listen when I need to vent. I'm super blessed in that. Yesterday was registration for spring quarter, and I can tell you that all of us were freaking out, making sure we could get registered for all those last classes we needed for graduation. I think it definitely counted for the lowest point I've had all quarter, and two of my friends took time out of their busy schedules just to come and make sure I was okay.
So, after two hours of good practicing today, a completely full schedule set for next quarter, and the promise of an amazing meal tonight, I can say that I have pulled myself out of this stupid lurch I've been in, and am ready to move forward and do awesome things with the rest of this quarter.
Also, did you know that enthusiastic horn playing can break fingernails? New lesson learned today!
Allison
Sunday, February 3, 2013
The audition review (part one)
Hello, my lovely followers! I know it's been a long wait for an update from me. I actually tried posting one on Wednesday, but my phone deleted the draft...oops.
I'm currently sitting in Boston Logan, waiting for the next hour and a half to board my flight to Newark, then after a couple hour layover, I get to go home!
My auditions were a fun new experience. I found that just like airport security, everything goes better if you smile and are polite. It's been quite a whirlwind of a trip, including six flights in four days!
I got into Rochester Thursday night, and was fortunate to have a place to crash at Eastman with another awesome horn player named Caitlin. It wasn't the most restful night of sleep because Eastman kids stay up late and the walls are paper thin, but I was thankful for a place to crash. I got up early to be ready for the beginning of audition day, starting f at 9 am. I was lucky enough to have a few hours after the opening info meeting so I could go warm up. We had a sort of FAQ meeting for grad applicants at noon where I got to meet the other horn grad applicant of the day, then my audition was at 1:40.
The audition went pretty well. Lots of really good moments in my playing, and a couple I wasn't necessarily proud of, but overall I did come out of the room smiling.
I flew out to Boston that evening, and after some delays and some serious running in Washington Dulles, I made it to Boston just after midnight.
My audition wasn't until 2 the next afternoon, so I managed to get a good night sleep, and felt good when I got up. I caught the green line out to Boston Conservatory, and got there by 10:30. Had plenty of time to warm up, and explore the school a bit, talked to some undergrad horn applicants, and went into my audition (I was the only grad applicant on horn that day). Played my solos we, rocked my excerpts, remembered my scales, and then got handed some atonal sight reading that kicked my butt. We'll see how that turns out!
Because I was done so early, I got to go explore Boston, and actually got to meet up with a friend from junior high, Asante, who is currently a senior at Harvard. It's kind of crazy catching up with someone you haven't seen in six years, but it was nice to see a familiar face in a city I had never visited before.
So, here I sit, in the airport again (I'm starting to wonder if I've spent more time in airports and planes than actually out seeing these places). I really have enjoyed my experience, but I'm ready to go home. Partially this is driven my the fact that it's COLD out here, and partially because I miss my friends, my bed, and staying in the same time zone. It won't be long until I'm back, though! I'll be in NYC in early March for my next round of auditions.
I do wonder if I'm ready for grad school though...I feel so young compared to other grad applicants (most of whom are around 24, while I'm only 21). And even though I'm from a city, visiting the east coast never fails to make me feel kind of like a country bumpkin. Nonetheless, I hope to hear some good news back from these auditions, even though I'm steeling myself for rejection. Here's to hoping!
Meanwhile, my dear Emerald City, I'm coming home!
I'm currently sitting in Boston Logan, waiting for the next hour and a half to board my flight to Newark, then after a couple hour layover, I get to go home!
My auditions were a fun new experience. I found that just like airport security, everything goes better if you smile and are polite. It's been quite a whirlwind of a trip, including six flights in four days!
I got into Rochester Thursday night, and was fortunate to have a place to crash at Eastman with another awesome horn player named Caitlin. It wasn't the most restful night of sleep because Eastman kids stay up late and the walls are paper thin, but I was thankful for a place to crash. I got up early to be ready for the beginning of audition day, starting f at 9 am. I was lucky enough to have a few hours after the opening info meeting so I could go warm up. We had a sort of FAQ meeting for grad applicants at noon where I got to meet the other horn grad applicant of the day, then my audition was at 1:40.
The audition went pretty well. Lots of really good moments in my playing, and a couple I wasn't necessarily proud of, but overall I did come out of the room smiling.
I flew out to Boston that evening, and after some delays and some serious running in Washington Dulles, I made it to Boston just after midnight.
My audition wasn't until 2 the next afternoon, so I managed to get a good night sleep, and felt good when I got up. I caught the green line out to Boston Conservatory, and got there by 10:30. Had plenty of time to warm up, and explore the school a bit, talked to some undergrad horn applicants, and went into my audition (I was the only grad applicant on horn that day). Played my solos we, rocked my excerpts, remembered my scales, and then got handed some atonal sight reading that kicked my butt. We'll see how that turns out!
Because I was done so early, I got to go explore Boston, and actually got to meet up with a friend from junior high, Asante, who is currently a senior at Harvard. It's kind of crazy catching up with someone you haven't seen in six years, but it was nice to see a familiar face in a city I had never visited before.
So, here I sit, in the airport again (I'm starting to wonder if I've spent more time in airports and planes than actually out seeing these places). I really have enjoyed my experience, but I'm ready to go home. Partially this is driven my the fact that it's COLD out here, and partially because I miss my friends, my bed, and staying in the same time zone. It won't be long until I'm back, though! I'll be in NYC in early March for my next round of auditions.
I do wonder if I'm ready for grad school though...I feel so young compared to other grad applicants (most of whom are around 24, while I'm only 21). And even though I'm from a city, visiting the east coast never fails to make me feel kind of like a country bumpkin. Nonetheless, I hope to hear some good news back from these auditions, even though I'm steeling myself for rejection. Here's to hoping!
Meanwhile, my dear Emerald City, I'm coming home!
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