Graduation and Reflection

It's time. After four years full of life lessons, tears, love, and growing up, I'm standing at the doorway into the rest of my life. I've always joked that I get an extension on childhood because I'm going to go back to college in just a few months, but in the last month I've realized this isn't true. My introduction to adulthood could be worse, however; it could be a cliff. I could be jumping out into the complete unknown, with no comprehension of what is to come. Instead, however, I imagine it being more like when you're driving through a mountainous area, and the road makes a large turn around one of the peaks, and you can't see what's to come, but you hope that it's more beautiful scenery and winding roads.

I'm lucky to have been working several jobs this year, and getting used to juggling all the pieces of my life. I've been paying bills, learning how to be more frugal, and preparing myself for what is coming. I didn't imagine that it would be quite as intense as this summer will prove to be, but I have hope that everything will work out for the best.

It's amazing to look back over the last four years, especially in reflection of how much I've grown and changed during this period of my life. People joke about not wanting to be friends with themselves if they ever had to meet them, but reading back over blogs from my freshman and sophomore years, I found myself with an overwhelming urge to smack my past self. Goodness. Some things have improved: I'm more introspective, and a better listener. My musicianship has improved exponentially, and I have confidence in myself as a person and as a musician. Some things still need a lot of work: I still am too anxious, and can get pretty obnoxious by misinterpreting social cues. I talk too much, and get lonely too often.

The most amazing thing I've begun to realize this year is the sheer number of people I've had the honor of meeting. By TAing the first-year aural skills class for three years, taking part in as many ensembles as I can, and working several jobs both on and off of campus, I've met more people than I could count off the top of my head. I've had the honor of watching some of the kids I TAed my sophomore year go on to become amazing musicians that inspire me to work harder and reach further in my own playing. I've learned that complete strangers who you meet because they come to your store to buy coffee can become your best supporters and cheerleaders. I've developed relationships with professors that are deeper than the grade they give me, or the lessons they've taught me.

SPU has been an amazing place to grow up. It hasn't always been easy, nor has it been the perfect place to be. Sometimes bureaucracy distracted from learning; drama from relationships; stress from life. But looking back over these last few years, I am glad to say that I was inspired and pushed to become a much better person in more areas than simply academics.

I look forward to moving on. You can't stay an undergraduate student forever, and just like how I felt after graduating high school, I don't think you should want to. Loving school, loving the accessibility of friends, and the adventures college brings are all great, but would become empty after a while. I'll keep moving forward, and relish the fact that this chapter of my life has occurred and been so great, while proudly moving into the next. Perhaps it's the influence of Return of the King playing on the tv in the background, but I do feel a little like Frodo at the end of the book, leaving his friends and family to the Undying Lands in the West, not because he doesn't like the Shire, but because he just doesn't fit there any more. I'll miss those I met at SPU, but my place in this world means moving on now.

So here I am, taking the first steps into the rest of my life. Working over 40 hours this coming week, and beginning the project of sorting, packing, and getting rid of my stuff. I'm scared of what's to come, but I'm also excited.

To everyone who has been there with me during this time, thank you for all you have done to inspire, push, encourage, and love me. Everyone of you has had a special place in my life, and the number of memories I have gained is overwhelming and wonderful. It's been an amazing four years, including all the ups and downs, and I will always be thankful of all the opportunities and experiences I have had, and the people I've met.

~Allison