It's a relaxing Sunday morning. I didn't really want to be up this early (edit to state that I started this blog at 7 this morning), but I think my roommate was running late for church, so she accidentally slammed a door. No sleeping now! I'm going to have to learn to sleep with earplugs when I move to Switzerland.
I spent an extensive amount of time talking to both my current horn professor, and my future professor, about how I'm going to get by while in this foreign country. (Also, I just thought you should know how epic I feel writing this blog with Mahler's first symphony blaring from my speakers. I am such a horn player!) While I'm there, I basically will be unable to work, excepting the infrequent gig, so I realized that I have to make all my money for the year before going. Talk about stressful! And in case you were curious, it's illegal in the U.S. to sell your kidney, though they're apparently worth $300,000. Anyway, the horn professor offered me the option to live in the apartment behind his house, which if I split with another of his students, comes to only about $450 a month, plus $45 for utilities. (Strangely, that's almost exactly what I pay here in the States) He also threw out the option that if we got a third tenant in there, the rent would drop to $300 a month. I can't really imagine living with two other people, especially since initially we'll be complete strangers, and we may have a language barrier for a bit, considering this is an international school.
Back to the subject of how I'm going to pay for this: It's definitely going to take two jobs this summer. And selling everything I don't need. It looks like we found a buyer for my old horn, to help pay for most of the remaining cost of my new horn. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for a potential second job. I also have started picking up shifts at other stores than my own.
I can't even explain how stressful this has been. Considering all of this planning really had to be postponed until after my recital (especially since all of the "you owe this" knowledge came on the day of my dress rehearsal, and I ended up crying through part of one of my pieces before I was able to pull it together. I just couldn't be thinking about it until post-recital), and the fact that I've been rather under the weather with a bad cold for the last almost two weeks, with all kinds of school things to do. My skin kind of just exploded the last couple of weeks, but I managed to stay away from destroying most of my fingernails.
The other hard part of all of this is that social stigma that "You're graduating! Life must be so good right now, since you're basically done!" No, not really. Not that life isn't good, but it definitely isn't easy. I want to make this work, and as much as I possibly can, I want to do it by myself. Somehow I'm hoping that getting myself through grad school by myself might prove to everyone that I'm ready to be an actual adult, and I'm not the thirteen-year-old that I often feel like others see me as.
At least I'm not scared by the actual act of graduating. I'm really sad that this means separating from my closest friends as we all head in our own directions, but I'm hoping at least a handful of my friends will be in contact, since I definitely will be missing them a lot. I can't wait to go to the next step in life, but there are definitely a few faces I'll miss while I'm gone. (Hear that guys? I'll miss you!)
~Allison
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