Growing and learning

I'm so close to being done with my undergrad...which I think would scare me, if I wasn't going straight on to my masters. I've now been in school for 17 years out of 21 (almost 22!). If that isn't a weird thought, I don't know what is. I can't imagine life without school, which is probably a small part of why I keep going! That and wanting to keep learning and doing what I love.

I've learned a ton while I've been at college, most of which had nothing to do with my classes or assignments. I've learned how to pay bills, find an apartment, go to the hospital on my own (with a friend driving me, of course, but I was alone in the actual room), how to treat other people, as well as how NOT to treat other people. I've found tons of passion for music, both classical and not (thanks to my friends for having such great taste in music!), and a more recent passion for watching soccer. (Sounders til I die!) I never imagined I'd learn so much about myself, and yet I feel like I've only touched the surface.

I've been told every time I go to a doctor that I have low blood pressure. Not problematically low, but enough that some actions can make me dizzy. For some reason, it took this last time having a nurse tell me about it that it finally sunk in that hey, I have low blood pressure! No wonder I can't just jump out of bed and race to get ready if I'm running late...if I jump out of bed, I get super dizzy, and I think once I even fainted back into my bed. It's not a big deal, but it's kind of fascinating learning something new that explains the way your body works.

 I've also learned a lot about what kind of person I am in relation to others. It's been especially eye-opening to realize how others see me. When I came to college, I know I was incredibly immature, selfish, and oh my gosh, whiny. I also was very overdramatic, which I wish I could say has gone away completely, but I just got called out on it again recently. I'm learning to bring my sarcasm in check, as it can get nasty if I'm not careful. I've learned to laugh more, and not worry about the fact that I'm going to get teased for it. Yup, I have a really, really original laugh, and I'm learning to be okay with it. You can't be mad at others for teasing you when they're doing it because they love your laugh. Heck, I made a friend with someone I had been reaching out to for nearly a year, not because of anything I said, but because we were sitting in the same room and I read something that made me burst out laughing. She began to laugh just because of the way I was laughing, and turned to me to tell me how much she loved my laugh. Perhaps my laugh is a gift, not a curse.

I've learned to travel, and do so alone, and completely love it. I love Seattle, and I think it will now always be home to me, but there's nothing like discovering somewhere new and different. The only thing I struggle with is not wanting to stay in the especially awesome places permanently. (I practically dragged myself out of NYC the last time I was there because I had fallen in love with it so much I didn't want to leave, but I had school to get back to!)

I've learned to knit on a really high level (no more garter stitch scarves! Yay!), and that my main love is lace. I also learned to spin using a drop spindle, and have made the decision that  when I go to grad school, I want to get a spinning wheel so I can do it more. I've also learned that my passion for knitting can be contagious! When I entered my music department, there were two of us who knit. There are now about eight of us, and we are really well-known because we knit everywhere! I've also helped teach a couple people, which makes me really happy. I love sharing this craft that is so beautiful and peaceful to me.

I've also learned my limitations. Due to an immune disease, I know that I can't do anything that might push my system too far. I'll probably never be one of those people who work 60 hours a week, nor can I really get less than 7-8 hours of sleep. It's not a bad thing, really, and I'm sure it'll will get better when I'm out of college where everyone around me gets four hours of sleep and pulls all-nighters.

I've learned that I love giving. If I know there's something you would really like, but probably shouldn't spend the money on, I'm more than ready to jump in and get it for you. You need a hug? Let me! I love discovering what my friends' needs are, so I can do my best to help them out. Random acts of kindness are my favorite, if only to bring some sunshine into this not so sunny place. I love that a couple of my friends are always happy to be my partners in crime for being nice to others. There is nothing better in the world than giving someone a nice gift that they weren't expecting (or asking for!) and seeing their face light up. Nothing gives me more joy.

I hope that I keep finding happy and constructive things to work on. It gets old ironing out the bad stuff. I'm still working on growing up and making myself into the kind of person that hopefully I wouldn't want to murder upon introduction. That's still questionable at this point (lol).

Quick update: I'm done with winter quarter. Life is good. I'm going to enjoy the next two weeks more than you could imagine, starting with rooting for my Sounders to destroy the Timbers! Bring it on, spring break!