Funny quote of the day

While talking about driving directions:

"Are you going to take a right and then a right?"
"No, I'm going to take a wrong, then a morally ambiguous, and then a right."

Some introspection and life updates

Not my most clever title, but let's go with it while citing a lack of imagination this evening.

I came to a realization during the last two weeks while I was on spring break. I'm not afraid of being alone in this world any more. It's been a long transition to being single after dating for most of college uninterrupted. It's been about three months since I've been in a relationship, and six months since the long-term one was broken off. I've had quite a journey since then. 

I've always been an extrovert. That kid who runs up and talks to pretty much anyone, and who can hold a conversation single-handedly, as long as there's someone willing to (pretend to) listen? Yup, *raises hand* that's been me for a long time. And in the last six months or so, I've started realizing that being an attention whore isn't really fun. (And let's be honest, it gets really old getting mocked for it.) I'm never fulfilled when I'm taking more than my fair share of the conversation, and in fact, I usually just end up really embarrassed and mad at myself for doing it again. 

I was talking to a friend over spring break, who shared how much he had enjoyed just sitting at home, away from anyone else for hours at a time, reading a good book. I had forgotten reading. Not truly, but for some reason, college seemingly just pushed the thought of reading for pleasure out of my mind. The reminder led me to basically devour a 500-page book in an afternoon. Speed reading is a sick pleasure of mine, I'll admit it.

Amazingly, though, this reminder of the wonderful, fulfilling aspects of life that I had forgotten in my haste to spend time with people, and fulfill my need to be heard, led me instead to realizing that I wasn't allowing myself to be heard in my own mind. I often think aloud, or at least process information better while spewing it at some poor sap who happens to be standing nearby. Recently, however, I've allowed that to replace quiet contemplation, and therefore my thoughts have gotten more out of control, and I've resorted to basically over-sharing my existence on this planet with my friends as I've tried to figure out my place on it.  Sorry, friends!

So, after several days of spending a majority of the time by myself, doing things I always wish I had the time to do while school is going (spinning, knitting, reading good books, and going for long walks with the dog), I made a sort of resolution with myself. I'm going to try to be more introverted. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm going to suddenly become a hermit and stop talking to the world. I can already tell you, I'll go crazy without having some human interaction. But I need to spend more time just sitting quietly, doing something like reading a really good book, all by myself, just allowing my brain to function, and also allowing myself to learn to enjoy the silence. We'll see how that goes!

----

On the side of life updates, spring quarter has begun, as of today. I've got a generally light load, though I know with my senior recital fast approaching, I'm going to be up to my eyeballs with stuff to do, right up until graduation. Therefore, I'm trying not to let myself be reminded that this is my last quarter of my undergrad. God only knows the last thing I need right now is a bad case of senioritis. I'm pretty sure I was suffering from that through most of winter quarter. To make a quote for  those in the pop culture know: "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

I'm glad the weather in Seattle has finally decided to act like spring. I was able to run around campus today wearing only a (brand-new Sounders!) jacket over my t-shirt, which is a major win for me when it comes to staying warm. Mind you, I did get rather chilly by the time I was driving home from my last class. May, I can't wait for your warm and sun and happy. 

On the graduation note (since I guess I'll let myself think of it occasionally), I can't believe it's time. So many people that have been by my side since we were baby freshmen, and we've grown up so much! I'm not all that far from holding a piece of paper saying that I've finished my Bachelor of Arts, and just a hop and a skip after that will be my 22nd birthday. Where has the time gone? 

I'm scared to leave this wonderful world that has grown around me. My friends and professors have been such amazing support and inspiration for four years. They've seen me in all ways, and helped me get through a lot of tears and gnashing of teeth, and also done a lot of laughing too. I'm not ready for the thought of goodbyes yet, though I know they'll come in just a couple short months. And then, after four years together, we'll all go our separate ways, like leaves in the wind; all going different directions. I can rest easily knowing that the most important people in my life will keep in contact, and hope that I've truly made some friends that will stay close for a long, long time.

And with that, now that it's 9 pm and I've been up since 4 for work, I'm ready to crash. A typical college student I am not. 

~Allison

“Home is behind, the world ahead,

And there are many paths to tread

Through shadows to the edge of night,

Until the stars are all alight."

Growing and learning

I'm so close to being done with my undergrad...which I think would scare me, if I wasn't going straight on to my masters. I've now been in school for 17 years out of 21 (almost 22!). If that isn't a weird thought, I don't know what is. I can't imagine life without school, which is probably a small part of why I keep going! That and wanting to keep learning and doing what I love.

I've learned a ton while I've been at college, most of which had nothing to do with my classes or assignments. I've learned how to pay bills, find an apartment, go to the hospital on my own (with a friend driving me, of course, but I was alone in the actual room), how to treat other people, as well as how NOT to treat other people. I've found tons of passion for music, both classical and not (thanks to my friends for having such great taste in music!), and a more recent passion for watching soccer. (Sounders til I die!) I never imagined I'd learn so much about myself, and yet I feel like I've only touched the surface.

I've been told every time I go to a doctor that I have low blood pressure. Not problematically low, but enough that some actions can make me dizzy. For some reason, it took this last time having a nurse tell me about it that it finally sunk in that hey, I have low blood pressure! No wonder I can't just jump out of bed and race to get ready if I'm running late...if I jump out of bed, I get super dizzy, and I think once I even fainted back into my bed. It's not a big deal, but it's kind of fascinating learning something new that explains the way your body works.

 I've also learned a lot about what kind of person I am in relation to others. It's been especially eye-opening to realize how others see me. When I came to college, I know I was incredibly immature, selfish, and oh my gosh, whiny. I also was very overdramatic, which I wish I could say has gone away completely, but I just got called out on it again recently. I'm learning to bring my sarcasm in check, as it can get nasty if I'm not careful. I've learned to laugh more, and not worry about the fact that I'm going to get teased for it. Yup, I have a really, really original laugh, and I'm learning to be okay with it. You can't be mad at others for teasing you when they're doing it because they love your laugh. Heck, I made a friend with someone I had been reaching out to for nearly a year, not because of anything I said, but because we were sitting in the same room and I read something that made me burst out laughing. She began to laugh just because of the way I was laughing, and turned to me to tell me how much she loved my laugh. Perhaps my laugh is a gift, not a curse.

I've learned to travel, and do so alone, and completely love it. I love Seattle, and I think it will now always be home to me, but there's nothing like discovering somewhere new and different. The only thing I struggle with is not wanting to stay in the especially awesome places permanently. (I practically dragged myself out of NYC the last time I was there because I had fallen in love with it so much I didn't want to leave, but I had school to get back to!)

I've learned to knit on a really high level (no more garter stitch scarves! Yay!), and that my main love is lace. I also learned to spin using a drop spindle, and have made the decision that  when I go to grad school, I want to get a spinning wheel so I can do it more. I've also learned that my passion for knitting can be contagious! When I entered my music department, there were two of us who knit. There are now about eight of us, and we are really well-known because we knit everywhere! I've also helped teach a couple people, which makes me really happy. I love sharing this craft that is so beautiful and peaceful to me.

I've also learned my limitations. Due to an immune disease, I know that I can't do anything that might push my system too far. I'll probably never be one of those people who work 60 hours a week, nor can I really get less than 7-8 hours of sleep. It's not a bad thing, really, and I'm sure it'll will get better when I'm out of college where everyone around me gets four hours of sleep and pulls all-nighters.

I've learned that I love giving. If I know there's something you would really like, but probably shouldn't spend the money on, I'm more than ready to jump in and get it for you. You need a hug? Let me! I love discovering what my friends' needs are, so I can do my best to help them out. Random acts of kindness are my favorite, if only to bring some sunshine into this not so sunny place. I love that a couple of my friends are always happy to be my partners in crime for being nice to others. There is nothing better in the world than giving someone a nice gift that they weren't expecting (or asking for!) and seeing their face light up. Nothing gives me more joy.

I hope that I keep finding happy and constructive things to work on. It gets old ironing out the bad stuff. I'm still working on growing up and making myself into the kind of person that hopefully I wouldn't want to murder upon introduction. That's still questionable at this point (lol).

Quick update: I'm done with winter quarter. Life is good. I'm going to enjoy the next two weeks more than you could imagine, starting with rooting for my Sounders to destroy the Timbers! Bring it on, spring break!

Funny little tidbit from today

A discussion on the "bouncy-ness" of notes when playing in the style of different composers:

Professor:
"Mozart is like a tennis ball bouncing.
Beethoven is like a basketball bouncing.
Brahms is like a half-flat basketball bouncing."

(Only partially serious discussion in the horn section)
"Stravinsky is like a spear!" *mimes spiking spear into ground*
"Wagner is like a cube..."

Yup, this is my music department during band. I love us so much!

Sometimes a change in plans is necessary

For the majority of you out there who didn't know, I'm typing this from my apartment in Seattle. Meaning I didn't go to New York for grad auditions. Now, before you fall out of your chair (or, if you have, please take this moment to get back in it), let me explain that the decision to cancel this trip wasn't as hasty as you're probably thinking it was.

The truth is, I'm 99% sure I know where I'm going to grad school, and it's neither of the schools I would have been auditioning for. Money also got tight all of a sudden due to a missing paycheck, so I basically would have gotten there, paid for my hostel, and not eaten for a week. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I took a decent amount of time working it out logically, with a couple awesome people helping bounce ideas back at me over a couple days, and the best solution was to cancel the trip, and get stuff done here at home.

I'm not ready to explain everything about my plans for grad school yet. Those who have heard the news could tell you that it's pretty exciting, but I want to make sure that things are settled and better planned out than they are at this moment. (To be perfectly honest, things will be up in the air most likely until mid to late April, so don't hold your breath!)

Also, I wanted you to know, I do adore you all. It's been a rough couple of months, and I know I haven't always been the cheeriest person on the planet. Things are getting much better now, and I hope that my love of life and all of its offerings continues to re-surge.

Allison