It's been a surreal 26 hours. Yesterday, a lone man in his 20s decided to walk onto my college campus into the engineering building and pull out a shotgun. He injured four students, one of them fatally, before another student pepper sprayed him and disarmed him when he stopped to reload. The student who died was a freshman, only nineteen years old. I didn't know any of the victims personally, though I had a couple general education classes with the student who stopped the shooter.
I didn't find out right away what was happening. I was at work downtown, and wasn't paying attention to my computer or my phone. It wasn't until a coworker asked if my boyfriend went to school at SPU and if he was okay that I heard the news. I already had texts from Chris stating that he was okay and locked in one of the music buildings. I stayed glued to my phone and computer for the next hour of work, before the death of Paul Lee made me decide that I needed to go home. I've never wanted to hold Chris more, or more tightly, than I did yesterday.
I've stayed glued to my phone and computer ever since finding out that there had been a shooting. I took today off of work so that I could be home to spend time with Chris, begin to really comprehend everything that happened, and go to campus to be with friends and faculty. I have never been so glad to be part of the SPU community than today.
I got to campus just after the prayer service let out. There were groups of students and faculty scattered around Tiffany Loop, sitting, standing, talking, praying...no one alone. Any time I ran into someone I knew, we hugged and reiterated how unreal this all felt. As I walked towards the music buildings, I stopped to pet some therapy dogs that had come to campus specifically for the students. I found out later than one of the SPU students reached out to the Queen Anne neighborhood in the local newsletter and requested that neighbors walk their dogs through campus so the students could have an opportunity to share that special bond dogs have with people.
Crawford Music Building was totally open to everyone, with doors propped open to the outside, professor's office doors open, but it was still quiet. You could hear hints of people playing music in the practice rooms. I headed over to Beegle Hall (the other music building) to where a bunch of music majors, past and present, were gathered to make music together. I was glad I had my horn with me. I've never tried improvising on horn, but today it was the only outlet I had for everything I was feeling. I know many people would find their voice to be more personal, but I just needed to have access to that full huge range I can only get when playing horn. Something about pedal tones being comforting, I guess.
It was beautiful. Some recordings were taken, so I hope later to post some of them. It wasn't complex music. We usually vamped through two chords, picking phrases to repeat, or simply vocalizing over the chords. People played percussion instruments, guitar, piano, and clarinet. There is nothing like the experience of pure interactive creation and improvisation with other musicians. Was it perfect? No. But it was exactly what we needed: an outlet for our emotions. We prayed, hugged, sat in silence, cried, even laughed a little. Afterwards, a small group of us went for a walk along the canal and talked together.
Is everything better? No, and I don't think it will be any time soon. Was there healing today? Yes, and lots of it. This community, and this city, have to come together on a level that is unbelievable. The feeling of security our campus once had is now gone, shattered in just a few minutes by a man with a gun, but the immense power of a small school's community and faith have only become stronger and more intense in the aftermath. We are together in this. We will support each other and all those affected by what has happened, especially the families and friends of the victims.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Friday, June 6, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Just another female voice in the crowd...
The last week or so has been really tough when it comes to the news. A guy who was my age decided that because (and I'm paraphrasing here) he couldn't get laid, and his head was totally twisted, that it was a good idea to go on a shooting rampage on a college campus to get back at the entire female population.
Now, there are a lot of places I can go with this. I could talk about what it's like to be a woman in our society, dealing with the catcalls and being hit on, even at my workplace. I could go on about gun control and whether it's a good or bad idea. I could try to go off about feminism and equal rights for both genders. I could talk about the mental health crisis in this country.
I'm not certain where I want to go with all of this, except to say that the latest mass murder in our country has put me on edge. I look at the websites I frequent, read the comments (which I highly discourage. Reading the comments on any major forum, especially news sites, has a tendency to depress.), and realize that my country has somehow gotten itself all mixed up.
I'm a redditor. I love lurking around, reading AMAs and looking at cute pictures of kittens. I'm fascinated to get to hear opinions and conversations from people who aren't just American, and who have really interesting thoughts about the current events going on in the U.S, and in general about our culture. There's a dark side to Reddit, too. Because it's an anonymous forum, you will come face-to-face with disturbing amounts of misogyny, racism, sexism, and blatant disregard for other human beings. And, yes, there are a ton of people on different threads that will lament how they're single and not getting laid.
As a female, it would be wonderful if I could walk across a street and either hear nothing at all, or have the guy who needs to assert his dominance yell something about how lovely I look today, rather than, "OOOOWW! DAMN WHAT A NICE ASS!" Nope, I take it back. I don't want the compliments, in any form, I really would rather just be left alone. I'd like to not worry about the consequences of having a job that sometimes means taking public transportation at 10 pm on a Friday or Saturday night and having to walk by myself to transfer buses. I hate that I had to ask my housemates to limit where we look for our next apartment to areas that wouldn't make me feel like I need to have pepper spray, a knife, or to conceal carry.
I also would love to live in a country that identifies and TREATS those with mental health issues. The kid who went murdering girls at his university was clearly unhinged, to the point where his parents and therapist called the cops because they were afraid of what he'd do. The cops said he seemed fine, and now six people are dead. Seven if you count the shooter.
And what makes it real to me is that I've had a guy freak out on me using words that this guy used. A person who decided that even though I said no, I wasn't interested in any physical relationship with them, that they needed to force me into it because I "promised" at some point in time months earlier. No means no. There's no ifs, ands, or buts to that. He ended up blackmailing me, faking a panic attack, and labeling me as just another one of "those girls" who are "teases" and are the reason why he was still a virgin. Was it terrifying? Absolutely. It didn't matter that I was being told these things via phone call and (after deciding I didn't want to hear those things any more and hung up) text message. It didn't matter that I was in a secured area where he couldn't get to me. I was scared out of my mind, because I've never witnessed such behavior. He was blocked through every method I could think of (social media, texts, and phone calls), but the thought of coming into contact with him ever again is horrifying. (To the point that I've described him to coworkers if he ever decided to pay a visit to my workplace)
No one should have to deal with this. Innocent people shouldn't be dying because some mentally disturbed, misogynistic asshole gets access to a weapon and goes out to get revenge.
It's a scary world out there.
Now, there are a lot of places I can go with this. I could talk about what it's like to be a woman in our society, dealing with the catcalls and being hit on, even at my workplace. I could go on about gun control and whether it's a good or bad idea. I could try to go off about feminism and equal rights for both genders. I could talk about the mental health crisis in this country.
I'm not certain where I want to go with all of this, except to say that the latest mass murder in our country has put me on edge. I look at the websites I frequent, read the comments (which I highly discourage. Reading the comments on any major forum, especially news sites, has a tendency to depress.), and realize that my country has somehow gotten itself all mixed up.
I'm a redditor. I love lurking around, reading AMAs and looking at cute pictures of kittens. I'm fascinated to get to hear opinions and conversations from people who aren't just American, and who have really interesting thoughts about the current events going on in the U.S, and in general about our culture. There's a dark side to Reddit, too. Because it's an anonymous forum, you will come face-to-face with disturbing amounts of misogyny, racism, sexism, and blatant disregard for other human beings. And, yes, there are a ton of people on different threads that will lament how they're single and not getting laid.
As a female, it would be wonderful if I could walk across a street and either hear nothing at all, or have the guy who needs to assert his dominance yell something about how lovely I look today, rather than, "OOOOWW! DAMN WHAT A NICE ASS!" Nope, I take it back. I don't want the compliments, in any form, I really would rather just be left alone. I'd like to not worry about the consequences of having a job that sometimes means taking public transportation at 10 pm on a Friday or Saturday night and having to walk by myself to transfer buses. I hate that I had to ask my housemates to limit where we look for our next apartment to areas that wouldn't make me feel like I need to have pepper spray, a knife, or to conceal carry.
I also would love to live in a country that identifies and TREATS those with mental health issues. The kid who went murdering girls at his university was clearly unhinged, to the point where his parents and therapist called the cops because they were afraid of what he'd do. The cops said he seemed fine, and now six people are dead. Seven if you count the shooter.
And what makes it real to me is that I've had a guy freak out on me using words that this guy used. A person who decided that even though I said no, I wasn't interested in any physical relationship with them, that they needed to force me into it because I "promised" at some point in time months earlier. No means no. There's no ifs, ands, or buts to that. He ended up blackmailing me, faking a panic attack, and labeling me as just another one of "those girls" who are "teases" and are the reason why he was still a virgin. Was it terrifying? Absolutely. It didn't matter that I was being told these things via phone call and (after deciding I didn't want to hear those things any more and hung up) text message. It didn't matter that I was in a secured area where he couldn't get to me. I was scared out of my mind, because I've never witnessed such behavior. He was blocked through every method I could think of (social media, texts, and phone calls), but the thought of coming into contact with him ever again is horrifying. (To the point that I've described him to coworkers if he ever decided to pay a visit to my workplace)
No one should have to deal with this. Innocent people shouldn't be dying because some mentally disturbed, misogynistic asshole gets access to a weapon and goes out to get revenge.
It's a scary world out there.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Finding direction and moving forward
It's been a crazy couple of weeks in my life. Not in the running around with tons to do type, like in college, but rather the type of week that fills up every ounce of free time with chores like paying bills and prioritizing money usage. Stressful, but not unmanageable.
My lesson yesterday also went very well. I walked in with nothing specific prepared, as being sick had made us skip a lesson and it was time for something new. I made a point to ask for a game plan for the next year leading up to grad school auditions (part deux) as well as more to work on specifically on a day-to-day basis. We agreed that I haven't been practicing enough (as always these days it seems), but my Lent goal is to practice every single day. We modified it to be a minimum of two hours every day but Sunday, where I should practice as much as I can, but I'm allowed to do just an hour if my face is tired. We're going to get me back in shape! I'm also facing another three months of focusing on the fundamentals of my playing, since I have (as he put it) "a very nice box that [my] playing fits in, but it needs more tools and features to it." Lots of long tones, lots of range building, and lots of etudes. It's going to be a long few months, but only good things can come out of it.
In the home life, there's a new housemate at our place, which has made for a fun change, and led to lots of (very, very needed) cleaning of common areas like the living room and kitchen. The only sad thing in all of this was the information that our landlord is selling the house at the end of the lease this summer. It was really nice to feel settled and have a real house for the first time since going away for college, and now it looks like I may be back to apartment dwelling soon. I like my free laundry...
Whining aside, life is going well. I'm busy and seemingly always checking my planner to make sure events aren't overlapping. Work has settled into less insanity and is instead just steady. Clearly I'm blogging right now, so it's not horrendous! The weather has finally started acting like spring here in Seattle, which means I'm fairly close to throwing off the wool pea coat for something lighter and less cumbersome. I finished knitting a pretty shawl for the summer months just a few days ago, and in general, I'm ready for the summer. I know I need to keep reminding myself that I'll still be working full-time then, but there's that instinct that life will be so much easier then.
Now, it's time to run and do the next thing on my list for this week: making a list of all the schools that have peaked my interest for grad school. I'm glad that I've learned the process and can say I'm starting almost 6 months earlier this time than I did last year!
~Allison
Thanks to my first independent tax return, I was able to completely pay off my horn (hallelujah!) and get ahead on rent payments. Money was all balanced, and then the hammer fell: two months worth of loan payments hadn't gone through. I apparently can't type my bank account number, so it was my fault, but there was no big red flag saying that the payments hadn't gone through. It's no wonder most of my friends complain about loans; I'm not worried about the cost of the payments themselves, but the process and the issues I've had with it. Oh well...we're getting there!
Meanwhile, I got to feel like a college student for a day or two: two concerts in two nights! The orchestra concert was on Thursday night. I wasn't totally happy with my playing. I still haven't gotten used to working a full day, then turning around and being a musician. It wasn't bad, but felt phoned in.
The women's choir concert the next night felt great! I had mis-transposed one of the parts in practice, but was able to fix it upon realization. Something about my brain thinking it would be horn in G, but was actually in F#. Blech. The concert went swimmingly, and my favorite piece of the three I accompanied was the best. All in all, I felt like there's hope for my playing.
My lesson yesterday also went very well. I walked in with nothing specific prepared, as being sick had made us skip a lesson and it was time for something new. I made a point to ask for a game plan for the next year leading up to grad school auditions (part deux) as well as more to work on specifically on a day-to-day basis. We agreed that I haven't been practicing enough (as always these days it seems), but my Lent goal is to practice every single day. We modified it to be a minimum of two hours every day but Sunday, where I should practice as much as I can, but I'm allowed to do just an hour if my face is tired. We're going to get me back in shape! I'm also facing another three months of focusing on the fundamentals of my playing, since I have (as he put it) "a very nice box that [my] playing fits in, but it needs more tools and features to it." Lots of long tones, lots of range building, and lots of etudes. It's going to be a long few months, but only good things can come out of it.
In the home life, there's a new housemate at our place, which has made for a fun change, and led to lots of (very, very needed) cleaning of common areas like the living room and kitchen. The only sad thing in all of this was the information that our landlord is selling the house at the end of the lease this summer. It was really nice to feel settled and have a real house for the first time since going away for college, and now it looks like I may be back to apartment dwelling soon. I like my free laundry...
Whining aside, life is going well. I'm busy and seemingly always checking my planner to make sure events aren't overlapping. Work has settled into less insanity and is instead just steady. Clearly I'm blogging right now, so it's not horrendous! The weather has finally started acting like spring here in Seattle, which means I'm fairly close to throwing off the wool pea coat for something lighter and less cumbersome. I finished knitting a pretty shawl for the summer months just a few days ago, and in general, I'm ready for the summer. I know I need to keep reminding myself that I'll still be working full-time then, but there's that instinct that life will be so much easier then.
Now, it's time to run and do the next thing on my list for this week: making a list of all the schools that have peaked my interest for grad school. I'm glad that I've learned the process and can say I'm starting almost 6 months earlier this time than I did last year!
~Allison
Sunday, February 23, 2014
The struggle of faith and other bits of life
Today was the first day in a few weeks that I've gotten to go to mass. A couple weeks ago, all the bus routes were on snow routes, and it would have been close to impossible to make it up to church; last week I was sick, and doing everything I could to get better. It was lovely going back, and the homily was on the section of text in Matthew that can be summed up by the Golden Rule. The priest was quick to point out that though the text talks about loving our enemies, that doesn't just include those groups of people far away in distant lands that wish us harm, but rather, includes family, friends, and anyone who you've given the power to hurt you.
Today has thus been a big day on reflection of my faith, since I've really not thought about it recently. I'm Christian, but do I live my life that way? The problem I've found, unfortunately, is that those that I know who openly talk about their prayers and how God is working in their lives are also the ones who have the sharpest of tongues, and cruelest of actions towards others. The moment I hear someone start discussing their prayer habits, I've now learned to keep my distance, because if I let them too close, they'll hurt me. It's a terrible conundrum. But, on the other hand, I have a friend who doesn't talk about it, but goes to church every Sunday, and prays every day, without fail. They don't mention it, and don't state that every one of their achievements is only thanks to God. I have outrageous amounts of respect for them.
So what does this mean for my faith? I guess it's that I don't want to talk about it very much. This probably will be the most in-depth look at where I stand currently on a public front. I want to learn to pray more. I want to learn to live my faith in a quiet way. I don't ever want to be another poster child for why Christians are cruel people who are openly hypocritical by thanking God in one breath, and tearing their acquaintances apart in another.
Meanwhile, work is stressful, due to the time of year, and still being understaffed. On the upside, there's an in-house competition going on related to subscription renewals, and as of this weekend, I'm in the lead by nearly two thousand dollars. I jokingly called it an asinine competition last night, but as the reigning champion, I'm a little more inspired to work towards that first prize. I mentioned to Chris that it might mean a steak dinner sooner than later if I win!
I've been sick for weeks. I'm either on round two or three of being sick, and I've forgotten what my voice sounds like without nasal congestion. (Don't get me wrong, I've taken decongestants...barely any change) I'll probably go back into the doctor again this week, considering it's been over a week since I was prescribed antibiotics, and I'm still under the weather, now with horrible headaches. I've never been so glad to have health insurance.
In spite of all the craziness, I'm still pretty happy with life. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a means of transportation, as spotty and somewhat inconsistent as it can be. I'm looking forward to getting my face back in shape for horn, as being sick has inhibited my practicing for the last week or so. Time to get through the coughing, considering I have a concert coming up soon!
'Til the next time,
Allison
Today has thus been a big day on reflection of my faith, since I've really not thought about it recently. I'm Christian, but do I live my life that way? The problem I've found, unfortunately, is that those that I know who openly talk about their prayers and how God is working in their lives are also the ones who have the sharpest of tongues, and cruelest of actions towards others. The moment I hear someone start discussing their prayer habits, I've now learned to keep my distance, because if I let them too close, they'll hurt me. It's a terrible conundrum. But, on the other hand, I have a friend who doesn't talk about it, but goes to church every Sunday, and prays every day, without fail. They don't mention it, and don't state that every one of their achievements is only thanks to God. I have outrageous amounts of respect for them.
So what does this mean for my faith? I guess it's that I don't want to talk about it very much. This probably will be the most in-depth look at where I stand currently on a public front. I want to learn to pray more. I want to learn to live my faith in a quiet way. I don't ever want to be another poster child for why Christians are cruel people who are openly hypocritical by thanking God in one breath, and tearing their acquaintances apart in another.
Meanwhile, work is stressful, due to the time of year, and still being understaffed. On the upside, there's an in-house competition going on related to subscription renewals, and as of this weekend, I'm in the lead by nearly two thousand dollars. I jokingly called it an asinine competition last night, but as the reigning champion, I'm a little more inspired to work towards that first prize. I mentioned to Chris that it might mean a steak dinner sooner than later if I win!
I've been sick for weeks. I'm either on round two or three of being sick, and I've forgotten what my voice sounds like without nasal congestion. (Don't get me wrong, I've taken decongestants...barely any change) I'll probably go back into the doctor again this week, considering it's been over a week since I was prescribed antibiotics, and I'm still under the weather, now with horrible headaches. I've never been so glad to have health insurance.
In spite of all the craziness, I'm still pretty happy with life. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a means of transportation, as spotty and somewhat inconsistent as it can be. I'm looking forward to getting my face back in shape for horn, as being sick has inhibited my practicing for the last week or so. Time to get through the coughing, considering I have a concert coming up soon!
'Til the next time,
Allison
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
2013 in review; looking forward to 2014I
What a year. Facebook likes to remind you of everything major you posted in the last year. Mine included graduation, my senior recital, my concerto with wind symphony, as well as a few things that I would consider more minor (my pie that I baked for Thanksgiving, really?).
It's been a good 2013, but I'm glad it's 2014. I'm ready to move forward from undergrad and get ready for grad school. I know I have time still, but practicing six days a week is still my goal for the year, and I've been putting money aside from every paycheck for application fees. I got blindsided by those the last time I applied, but no one's catching me by surprise this time! It also managed to be a major limiting factor to which schools I applied for. At about $100 per application, I had to pick my schools carefully, and I didn't do nearly enough research last time. I'm going to work towards affording more applications, as well as keep putting aside money for things like flights to the East Coast.
Meanwhile, loans go into repayment next week. The grace period has been nice, but now it's time to settle down and really plan finances carefully. So far I've been successful in building up a nice buffer. It's been amazing to see my account consistently having money in it. At this point last year, I was pretty far in the red.
I've started spinning again, and I finally figured out the trick I was missing on plying my singles (taking all my skinny yarns and making them all plush like the ones you see at the store basically). A downside of being self-taught, you miss out on obvious things. Apparently while you spin your singles clockwise, to ply multiple singles, you have to spin the wheel counterclockwise. And all this was realized after owning my spinning wheel for six months, and only recently looking up "how to ply on a spinning wheel" on youtube.
I still have my hands full of knitting Chris' sweater, but it's made some real progress up until recently. I had to pause for a couple days while I knit some quick Christmas presents, but my goal is to get it done by the end of the month.
In the meantime, ensembles start up again tonight, and I can't explain how excited I am to start playing with others again. It's going to be a great couple of concerts ahead of me.
Bring it on, 2014. I'm excited to see what you bring.
It's been a good 2013, but I'm glad it's 2014. I'm ready to move forward from undergrad and get ready for grad school. I know I have time still, but practicing six days a week is still my goal for the year, and I've been putting money aside from every paycheck for application fees. I got blindsided by those the last time I applied, but no one's catching me by surprise this time! It also managed to be a major limiting factor to which schools I applied for. At about $100 per application, I had to pick my schools carefully, and I didn't do nearly enough research last time. I'm going to work towards affording more applications, as well as keep putting aside money for things like flights to the East Coast.
Meanwhile, loans go into repayment next week. The grace period has been nice, but now it's time to settle down and really plan finances carefully. So far I've been successful in building up a nice buffer. It's been amazing to see my account consistently having money in it. At this point last year, I was pretty far in the red.
I've started spinning again, and I finally figured out the trick I was missing on plying my singles (taking all my skinny yarns and making them all plush like the ones you see at the store basically). A downside of being self-taught, you miss out on obvious things. Apparently while you spin your singles clockwise, to ply multiple singles, you have to spin the wheel counterclockwise. And all this was realized after owning my spinning wheel for six months, and only recently looking up "how to ply on a spinning wheel" on youtube.
I still have my hands full of knitting Chris' sweater, but it's made some real progress up until recently. I had to pause for a couple days while I knit some quick Christmas presents, but my goal is to get it done by the end of the month.
In the meantime, ensembles start up again tonight, and I can't explain how excited I am to start playing with others again. It's going to be a great couple of concerts ahead of me.
Bring it on, 2014. I'm excited to see what you bring.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
A full-time job, the holidays, and the process of becoming a professional musician
It's halfway through December, and the preparations for the holidays is in full swing. Benaroya looks gorgeous right now, I have to say. There are silver and blue decorated garlands and wreaths everywhere, and every night brings a different holiday-themed production.
It's been fun transitioning to full-time work right as the holidays are coming up. There haven't been many days where I ponder how I'm supposed to fill 35 hours worth of work time, since every week brings new big projects to get done. I most recently was tasked with a rather large project of moving everyone who purchased tickets to a lecture in our smaller hall (~550 seats) into comparable seats in our large auditorium (~2500 seats). Every day is different, but I'm starting to have the occasional work-related dream/nightmare, so I guess that means I'm putting my time in! I'll be a little sad when the new year comes and the box office quiets down before subscription renewal time...there's something fun about trying to keep ahead of all this stuff! Plus, coming to work is my favorite excuse to feel festive with all the decorations.
I wish I had a Christmas tree at home to decorate. Unfortunately, the hose on our vacuum (Mom, I just had to type it both ways to remember if it's two u's or two c's. I'm pointing to you on this one.) decided to rip apart, so for now, we're without one. This led to the decision that getting a live tree, no matter how small, would cause a mess that we would have no way to clean up. It's okay, maybe next year will get to be a festive year!
I think I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve the most of all the holidays this year. While Thanksgiving was a quiet family affair (with delicious food!), and Christmas will most likely be low-key due to being smashed between two work days, NYE looks to prove itself a grand time. I'm hoping to get to go to the concert and after-party that Seattle Symphony is hosting, and also to use it as an excuse to pull out one of my recital gowns. I'll probably be overdressed, but on such an amazing occasion (which starts with the main theme from Star Wars!!!), why not go a little overboard?
It's also amazing to realize that with the new year comes loan repayments, as I've now been out of school for nearly six months. Where has the time gone? While it doesn't exactly feel like yesterday that I was giving my senior recital, I still feel like part of me is waiting for the day I'll be "out in the world." Apparently my brain hasn't realized that has happened. I'm not a student, but I'm not a working professional either...even though I am.
Chris and I had a long discussion over the last few days about what it's like to be out of school and just maintaining a job. It's amazing how much you learn about yourself when you're not spending every waking moment worried about school, life, music, friends, etc. I have a lot more quiet time to sit and think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It's actually a relief to have the chance to really come to terms with what drives me to be a professional classical musician.
I'm definitely a work in progress, but I would hope that's how all of us should be. No one is interesting when they've become stagnant and unwilling to change their ways as they progress in life. I'm enjoying finding out what makes me, me. Results are yet to be determined, but I'm sure someday I'll figure it out! The one adjective I'm beginning to see stand out for me (at least in what other people say) is tenacious. I'm content with that one!
I'm also happy to say that lessons are going well, and that while all my time is spent working on the most basic things, my playing has gotten exponentially better. Funny how you can improve a ton on a wind instrument when you learn how to properly use your air. At my most recent lesson, I think I may have actually impressed my teacher, since I successfully used all the skills we had been working on for the entire lesson and did it with musicality while playing a movement from the first Bach Cello Suite. Paraphrased, he said something to the effect of, "If you can keep that up, you're really close to your goal." I'll take it! Now to get back to the awesome trend of practicing before work and often during my lunch break. It's a slower path to getting on to grad school, but I'm still chugging along!
It's been fun transitioning to full-time work right as the holidays are coming up. There haven't been many days where I ponder how I'm supposed to fill 35 hours worth of work time, since every week brings new big projects to get done. I most recently was tasked with a rather large project of moving everyone who purchased tickets to a lecture in our smaller hall (~550 seats) into comparable seats in our large auditorium (~2500 seats). Every day is different, but I'm starting to have the occasional work-related dream/nightmare, so I guess that means I'm putting my time in! I'll be a little sad when the new year comes and the box office quiets down before subscription renewal time...there's something fun about trying to keep ahead of all this stuff! Plus, coming to work is my favorite excuse to feel festive with all the decorations.
I wish I had a Christmas tree at home to decorate. Unfortunately, the hose on our vacuum (Mom, I just had to type it both ways to remember if it's two u's or two c's. I'm pointing to you on this one.) decided to rip apart, so for now, we're without one. This led to the decision that getting a live tree, no matter how small, would cause a mess that we would have no way to clean up. It's okay, maybe next year will get to be a festive year!
I think I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve the most of all the holidays this year. While Thanksgiving was a quiet family affair (with delicious food!), and Christmas will most likely be low-key due to being smashed between two work days, NYE looks to prove itself a grand time. I'm hoping to get to go to the concert and after-party that Seattle Symphony is hosting, and also to use it as an excuse to pull out one of my recital gowns. I'll probably be overdressed, but on such an amazing occasion (which starts with the main theme from Star Wars!!!), why not go a little overboard?
It's also amazing to realize that with the new year comes loan repayments, as I've now been out of school for nearly six months. Where has the time gone? While it doesn't exactly feel like yesterday that I was giving my senior recital, I still feel like part of me is waiting for the day I'll be "out in the world." Apparently my brain hasn't realized that has happened. I'm not a student, but I'm not a working professional either...even though I am.
Chris and I had a long discussion over the last few days about what it's like to be out of school and just maintaining a job. It's amazing how much you learn about yourself when you're not spending every waking moment worried about school, life, music, friends, etc. I have a lot more quiet time to sit and think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It's actually a relief to have the chance to really come to terms with what drives me to be a professional classical musician.
I'm definitely a work in progress, but I would hope that's how all of us should be. No one is interesting when they've become stagnant and unwilling to change their ways as they progress in life. I'm enjoying finding out what makes me, me. Results are yet to be determined, but I'm sure someday I'll figure it out! The one adjective I'm beginning to see stand out for me (at least in what other people say) is tenacious. I'm content with that one!
I'm also happy to say that lessons are going well, and that while all my time is spent working on the most basic things, my playing has gotten exponentially better. Funny how you can improve a ton on a wind instrument when you learn how to properly use your air. At my most recent lesson, I think I may have actually impressed my teacher, since I successfully used all the skills we had been working on for the entire lesson and did it with musicality while playing a movement from the first Bach Cello Suite. Paraphrased, he said something to the effect of, "If you can keep that up, you're really close to your goal." I'll take it! Now to get back to the awesome trend of practicing before work and often during my lunch break. It's a slower path to getting on to grad school, but I'm still chugging along!
Friday, November 15, 2013
The ups and downs we face
I have exciting news to share:
For the first time in a long while, I am completely out of credit card debt! I was worried that I wouldn't have my debt paid off before student loans kick into gear in January, but at least the most expensive layer of it has been! (I still have money owed for my horn, but that's a manageable amount) I also am proud to report that I cut up the card that has cost me the most money over the last couple years.
The unfortunate other side of the coin is that I just found out what my medical bills will be for an uninsured visit to the ER a couple weeks ago. I'm hoping and praying that there will be financial aid available, and a decent payment plan. Otherwise I will most definitely need to defer loan payments for a few months while I figure this all out.
Have I mentioned adulthood is hard?
~Allison
For the first time in a long while, I am completely out of credit card debt! I was worried that I wouldn't have my debt paid off before student loans kick into gear in January, but at least the most expensive layer of it has been! (I still have money owed for my horn, but that's a manageable amount) I also am proud to report that I cut up the card that has cost me the most money over the last couple years.
The unfortunate other side of the coin is that I just found out what my medical bills will be for an uninsured visit to the ER a couple weeks ago. I'm hoping and praying that there will be financial aid available, and a decent payment plan. Otherwise I will most definitely need to defer loan payments for a few months while I figure this all out.
Have I mentioned adulthood is hard?
~Allison
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