A Day of Reflection

I had a pretty lazy Saturday today. I feel that usually if I went for half the day on a Saturday without practicing, my stomach would be in knots with stress. Today I decided that what I needed most was a day without stress, thus giving myself permission to not practice for the day, and just enjoy doing whatever, even if that meant doing nothing whatsoever.

I got out of my bed (excepting getting my muffin and glass of milk for breakfast and bringing them back to bed) at noon...I woke up sometime around 7 initially, but then went back to sleep until 10. In the couple hours I spent lying in bed, I explored Pottermore (finally...I was one of the original beta testers, but never got around to actually messing around on the site), chilled on Ravelry, Pinterest and Facebook, and just enjoyed being cozy and comfortable and totally relaxed.

About Pottermore. It's still in beta right now, and hopefully they're opening it up to the public next month, but until then, you only have access to the stuff related to the first book in the series. However, they added so much background information from J.K. Rowling that you wouldn't have ever known from just the books (or even the movies). There was a pretty extensive biography of Professor McGonagall...did you know that she and Professor Flitwick were (I think) in the same year at Hogwarts, and were both Hatstalls? (translation: the Sorting Hat was torn for a very long time over what house to sort them into) The fascinating thing is that the hat was torn between Griffindor and Ravenclaw for both of them. I love this series!

Anyway, I think if you want some fun stuff to do while rereading the series, or even just want a little more information about characters in Harry Potter, or how she came up with/wrote the whole series, you should check it out. //advertisement end ;)

Not that I'm going to go on about it, but I also spent a couple hours watching The Chronicles of Narnia (both the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian) while knitting hexipuffs.

Then came time for a cool benefit dinner for YMI (Youth Missions International) for my friend John. I got really inspired by all of the discussions about their missions and how to support them financially...which yes, I did sign up to donate some for them, because I really do value missions. But this goes beyond just the good food and the nice people...I follow John's wife, Rose, on her personal blog about her life, ministry, making a home with John (they're newlyweds) and just fun stuff like that. One of her recent blogs discussed some of the good/bad/ugly advice she's been given about her marriage, and the good piece of advice hit me very deeply.

Focus on serving God first, and the rest will follow.

It's something I'm not very good at in my relationship with James. I often tend to try to live my life totally around what he's doing, and how our relationship is going, rather than striving to serve God first, and letting Him take care of us. Unfortunately, I'm not totally sure how to serve God. I get stuck on the thoughts about how I should just drop everything and move to a foreign country and do missions work...or how I need to be super active in my church life, while doing something like helping host a Bible study. I hate making the excuse, but I really do feel like I don't have time. This is where being a music major is tough...when you add in evening ensembles to the mix, it often feels like service-for-God time is really limited. I guess it breaks down to: what is serving God?

I know that getting closer to God will help my relationship with James...and maybe it's not great that it took wanting a better relationship with James to desire a relationship with God to in turn benefit my relationship with James. (I'll pause here while you guys all try to sort that out :P) But, in the end, isn't all that matters is that I want to pursue a relationship with God. Period. ?

*Huff* This being Christian thing is hard. I should know that already, seeing as I've spent a large portion of my life as one. Then again, it's easier to have a faith when it's just an adjective about you rather than an adverb about the way you live your life. I think I'm still in adjective state right now. (Also, all English and grammar nuts out there, I know you don't technically live "Christianally" but it was about the idea, not the technicality :D )

So, here we go...on a journey to improving my spiritual status with God...with hardly any clue how to do it. Crossing my fingers I can figure this all out!

Oh, yeah, my horn playing is going fine. I have my recital jury right after I get back from spring break, and also two days after I do a mock audition at the Northwest Horn Symposium.

Also, I get to go to Las Vegas for spring break with James!!!!! Before you jump on any weird hypocrisy you think there might be about how I'm trying to be all "Christian" and now I'm going on a spring break trip to the gambling capitol of the United States with my boyfriend...we're staying with his family, we're not doing any gambling or drinking (since we're both underage), and really, I think we're mostly going because we get to go see Cirque du Soleil :D Just wanted to clarify ;)

I'm really excited, and officially he has the coolest family ever, since they told us that this is our vacation, and we can have them around as much or as little as we want. So awesome! I think we're still going to be around them a fair amount anyway...they're cool people :)

'Til next time!

~Allie

I learned how to spin!

I actually learned how to spin a couple weeks ago, but this was my first success with fiber that I bought. I'm still working on getting it more consistent, and hoping my next one will be thinner, but we'll see. I have a pattern in mind for it, but I need some more yardage first. Hoping it works out :D

Spinning is a dangerous new hobby...but it's so cool to think that I have more of a hand in the final product that I knit. Someday, I know I'll want a wheel, but I have so many other things that I need to save for first that it's going to have to wait for a while. I'm hoping for a decent tax return, so I'm crossing my fingers for that :D

Not much more to say, except that my jury went really well, and I can't wait until spring to see the sun again.

Juries...like the musical exam (not the court summons)

Yup, it's definitely that time of year again. For the vast majority of you not working to obtain degrees in music currently (nor having done it in the past), juries are a type of musical test where you stand up and play for a panel of professors, including your private instructor and your adviser. When you have finished, they usher you out of the room, talk about you and where you are in your playing, and then pass or fail you. I'm not really sure what happens if you fail a jury...I fortunately never have, but I'm pretty sure it's supposed to affect your grade in your lessons.

Anyway, education aside, it's juries week at school. Today I watched while vocalists panicked while filling out their jury sheets (a summary of all you've worked on since your last jury), tomorrow I'm sure all the instrumentalists will be doing so, and finally on Friday it will be the piano players' turn. I get to go on Thursday, so my stress hasn't arrived yet. Either that or it's already come and gone and I'm taking it in stride. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

Since my last post, I have played a big concert (woot Tchaikovsky's Fourth Symphony!), spun some yarn out of wool (big, BIG accomplishment), grown a little older and hopefully wiser, and just generally had some big moments of self-discovery.

Today's big self-discovery came out of my private lesson with my horn teacher. We were discussing my plans for graduate school, and how that fits into what's going on in my life now, and how I need to spend my time in preparation for it. I'm pretty sure that it's set that I'm going to take a year off between graduation and grad school, just because I'd love the extra time to practice my butt off, and work to repay some of those loans before jumping into new loans from the next round of school. Besides, as much growth as I've had in the last two years of serious study, I know I could grow even more. I'll never stop learning about how to play horn, but these years around college seem to be the really formative ones. I really am proud of how much better of a player I am from when I first came to school. During my lesson, my teacher asked if I ever had those thoughts of regret that I hadn't started early enough, or anything like that (in the context of understanding how my mind works). I could honestly say that I don't look back. The years I hardly touched my horn in high school were incredibly big years for personal development...my first year in college, I wasn't really sure I was going to be a music major. I'm proud that I figured it out as soon as I did, and really started to practice like I needed to (hello, three hours a day in a white cubicle of space, with nothing but my horn, maybe a piano, and me).

The funny thing is that despite all the anxiety about how up-in-the-air my life feels much of the time, I'm happy. I love playing horn (even when I hate it lol), I love getting to do what I do in ensembles, how I can relate to other geeky people just like me...and outside of music I'm so incredibly content.

My grandmother called today, just to check in and see how I was doing. She asked after my boyfriend, and checked that we were still dating (yes, 2 years, 3 months and counting :D), and when I replied yes, I loved her response. "Well, who knows? Maybe you two will end up attached later on." I kind of chuckled and told her that was the hope...but at the same time, we're really content to wait and see where life leads us first. We're young, and have a lot of life yet to live. No need to jump into marriage when we're not even close to graduating. Okay, that's a lie. I'm close to graduating, with just over a year of school left. He has just over two. Eeek!

So, the summary of this blog post is this: :)

~Allie

Those pesky resolutions...

It's the month of January, and with the new year come resolutions. And I have to say, they're everywhere. I don't like resolutions, because I hate the guilt and stress that come with them, but I do try to make each year a little different and better than the last. The biggest resolution I see around me, which I suppose should be obvious, is weight loss. I think it's really awesome that people are into weight loss, getting healthy, and the like. It is hard to stomach when your friends on Pinterest are posting a ton about work out routines with scantily-clad women that are incredibly built, but unbelievably toned/flawless/etc. (or they make you feel guilty about how lazy you may or may not be like this one).

There's another fad going on right now as well...a picture that I've seen on facebook and pinterest. It shows models in bikinis side by side with women (including Marilyn Monroe) from the 50s in swimwear, usually accompanied with the caption "When did beauty go from this (50's) to this (present)?" I totally agree with this viewpoint, and it's a lot of the reason I shudder at the exercise pictures mentioned above.

I did come across a picture that touched a nerve in a completely different way.

I understand the meaning of this picture. It goes along with the idea to be healthy, but in a way that fits your body...so if you're 5'8", you probably won't fit in size 0 jeans. But here's the flip side of this...I'm naturally a size zero. I adore my size, and the fact that I'm very naturally a size zero because I'm 5 feet tall and only weigh 100 pounds. It makes shopping with friends uncomfortable because I constantly get told how I'm a "non-human" size, how silly it is that I can't find clothes that fit, or how lucky I am that I can say my clothing size without being self-conscious. I don't think less of anyone for being a size 6 or 8, and I don't think it's fair to go against people who are tiny because the media tells you that that's how you should look.

Here's the funny thing, though. You know how people say Marilyn Monroe was a size 8? I'm a size 4 or 6 in clothes from the 50s. Also, clothes had a lot less give back then than they had now. I think what makes Marilyn a style icon isn't just because she was beautiful, but because she didn't have to show her rib cage to do so. She had curves, not just breasts, but also hips, thighs, and a rather normal shaped rear.

Instead of focusing on obsessive exercise, eating tiny portions that are close to starving ourselves, and hoping to look as flawless as starving, airbrushed models, let's just be comfortable, healthy, and happy. Even if we're not all the same shape or size...because I wouldn't look good as a size 8, and I know many people who wouldn't look good as a size 0.

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Okay, my crazy views aside (and I hope anyone who reads this doesn't hate me for them), I'm ready for the sun to return to the northern hemisphere. I haven't seen said orb in a loooong time. Now that I'm not worried about the sun coming out and prematurely ending the Seattle Snowpocalypse, it can reemerge and shine lovingly on this city :D

After a week off of school (making a total of 9 days since we were last at school for a full day...and 10 for me), I am ready to get back into the groove. Yes, the snow has been great for my knitting (I finished my scarf, my hoodlet, and got a huge start on a shawl that's been needed to be made for a while), but not so great for practicing, homework or just life in general. And you know, I'm ready to leave my living room :D

I know I'm terribly irregular at updating this blog. No promises, but I'll try to do better. There's so much to say, and I'm already starting to feel as though I've gone on way too long for a blog. Until next time,

~Allie

My apologies to my readers...

I have been lazy :P With finals, Brigadoon and Christmas knitting, it's been pretty crazy around here.

I've made lots of cool friends on Ravelry recently, and several have been kind enough to gift me beautiful patterns that I can't wait to make! With my favorite local yarn store, The Fiber Gallery, having a moving sale in a few days, and also having received many paychecks for all the playing I've done recently, I'm psyched to fill up some of my stash with gorgeous yarns I may not have normally gotten.

I've also signed up to be part of the tinyowlknits (one of my favorite knit designers) 12 in 2012 goal, which gives me even more excuses to make all those patterns I've been drooling over. Those first patterns are what I may buy that discounted yarn for.

In similar news, my Christmas knitting thus far has been a success. My sister, aunt and uncle all loved their gifts. I think the goal of knitting gifts for only 4-5 people max for Christmas is a nice manageable goal. I hope to remember this, as it has relieved a lot of stress :) now to do a lot more knitting for me! I'm really excited for so many pretty new things!

I'm updating from my phone, so this really hasn't been the longest update, but I hope to post more later :)

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone!

To have or not have...a life?

Okay, I really promise I won't go on a rant about my practice habits. I've devoted enough blog posts to that. But it was pointed out to me today that I don't ever leave the music building. So, here I am, in the library, eating my lunch, posting a blog, and then I will be finishing my history homework. See, I can do it :D

All practicing aside, this is a rather packed quarter, even though I'm only taking 9 credits of academic classes. Somehow, they're all very reading-heavy, which takes up a ton of time (which is saying something, because I read pretty fast...thanks Mom!). I have research articles to read for my final paper for Psychology of Music, plus the text book (only 3 chapters a week, fortunately), then several chapters of reading about how to be a better, more confident musician for Performance Topics, and also a chapter for every class for my UCOR (history) class (which translates to 2-3 chapters a week). So, let me dust off my math skills here and figure that that comes to about 8 or 9 chapters a week, plus whatever research articles I read. Gah.

I love school. Honestly, it's really nice to force my brain to get in gear again, after a long summer of mindless labor. Because of how much time I lost this summer, I'm starting early to prepare for the next one. Auditions for the 3 music festivals I'm interested in are due between December 1st and February 23rd (or so), so my orchestral excerpt book and I are becoming fast friends. A few of the excerpts cross over, so it's not quite as much as it could be, but it gives me something to really focus on...especially considering the ensemble disappointments I've had at school. I've been working hard to look at my situation optimistically, considering that not having challenging school ensemble parts means that I can focus on kicking my butt in the practice room, and also focusing on my upcoming gigs. But still, it's mildly depressing going to ensembles where I feel that if people didn't notice my physical absence, they wouldn't notice me missing at all. We have a beastly large horn section, so it's pretty easy to get lost...in some ways, I wonder if people would like it better if there were less of us.

Nonetheless, I'm pretty excited for all my other stuff. Brigadoon has the first orchestra rehearsal this Sunday (which happens right after band retreat...someone remind me to save some chops :D ) and CYSO is going pretty well. I had several big breakthroughs in my lesson last night, and feel very inspired to keep working hard. Plus, I think my confidence is finally beginning to grow, this time being real, and well-founded, rather than the sham of "confidence" I had before (which honestly, was just ego).

This definitely has become the quarter of growth built upon self-reflection. It's not always fun. Who likes hearing that you're obnoxious, a know-it-all, and not that great at playing your instrument? But, because of all of that, I'm already having bigger and better growth than I have in a long time. I guess it's kind of like building muscle. To get more muscle, you have to basically break down the muscles you have, so that they can rebuild even stronger than they were before. I have a lot of hope that I'm going to keep getting stronger and better at horn. And who knows? I may just get into one of those East Coast schools I want to attend for graduate school. Time will tell, I suppose. And it's completely up to me to get there.

So, now that I've digressed from the title of this blog, let me try to move back a bit. Having a life is getting weird. Since all of my free time is in the morning, I spend it like a normal person would spend an evening--practicing and doing homework. (Er go why I'm in the library typing a blog.) My evenings have rehearsals and...sleep :D Since most of my close friends are now deeply entrenched in their majors, meaning tons of labs, student teaching, practicing, etc., we don't see much of each other. I see lots of people in passing...and sometimes I'll get lucky and some poor non-music-major friend will venture into the music building and we'll end up eating lunch together. Fortunately, I'm not going crazy yet, and for those moments where I'm really frustrated or upset (about my horn usually), there are many people there ready to kick me in the butt and get me going again. Thank you to all of you :)

So, to answer my question, I think I like my psuedo-life. I am both lacking and maintaining what the average person considers a "life". Though...talk to me again at mid-terms. It is only Week...3(?) after all.

Three cheers for music majors and their "lives"!

~Allie

And the countdown begins...

Three days until classes start. I am so ready, though, I guess this isn't really where I should admit that I haven't bought my books yet? Well, honestly, one of the books I read for IB in high school, and two I think I'll just download on my Kindle to save on shipping. The other book I may ask James to split the cost and just rent from the bookstore, since we're taking the class together.

Nonetheless, I'm ready for the ball to get rolling. I've been getting a lot of practicing in the last few days, working really hard to make sure my face is in shape by the time school starts on Monday. I had a lesson yesterday and got some assignments so that the first week of school isn't useless when I'm spending my hours in the practice room. Seriously, as much as I hate those rooms, I nearly hugged mine when I walked in...it's nice to have a place where I can play as loud and as much as I want without a practice mute, and I don't bug anyone...(or if I do, there's not much they can do about it, considering I'm doing my version of homework). Having my schedule back for practicing will rock too. I don't have classes until the afternoon, so I'm already planning on getting as much practicing done in the morning as is possible.

I'm sorry, I realize how much I talk about the time I spend with my horn. I guess that's just kind of my life right now, no matter how dull it seems to others. I have my good days and my bad, and right now I'm feeling pretty on fire. There's part of me that is on the verge of grabbing some more bus money to run back to school so I can put another hour in. If school had already started, I wouldn't have stopped myself, but without practice room monitors working, they're probably already locked. Boo on Safety and Security.

It is hilarious how each of my professors react when they see me on campus. Yeah, I am one of the music librarians, so it makes sense that I'm having to prep music ahead of time, but it's pretty funny when they give me that odd expression that says, "Why in heaven's name are you here? I'm not ready to deal with you and your kind yet!" Yup, that's a fact...professors procrastinate just as much as students do. Don't let them know that you heard that from me, though...they don't want anyone giving away their secrets :D

My calendar is prepped, my lips are being beaten into submission (nicely, of course, but they will be able to handle 3 hours of practicing plus ensembles by Monday!), and now all I need are some silly (and expensive) books and I am all set. Bring it on, junior year. Bring it on.

~Allie