I've been pondering...what is the purpose of my blog? There are the simple answers to that question: to give me an outlet to talk to a wider audience about my views, to update my friends and family into my life, or to share projects and ideas with others. The funny thing is, I'm not sure it matters as much to me what the purpose of my blog is as much as how much can/will/do I update it? See, there are those who have lots to say, and so they update daily (or even more often in some cases). There are people who practically never use their blogs. I lean towards that side, unfortunately, but now that I've reevaluated my schedule for this summer, I think it's time for me to step up and use it more frequently.
So, what is my schedule like for this summer? Okay, honestly, I have no real solid idea either. If I worked both of my jobs with the hours I would like, I'd be putting in about 50 hours a week. I might get a day off once in a while. I'll be exhausted, and it will take all my willpower to even think about practicing my horn when I get home in the afternoon/evening. I'll be able to afford the cost of living, plus save up to buy my new horn. Maybe even go to my horn camp in July (though there are a few bumps on the road to that one still). But after all that, I'll break even. I'll have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a shiny new instrument to play, and practically nothing in savings. I think the new horn is worth it, though. And way better to buy it basically with cash than to take out a loan on it, or use a credit card. (Dear science friends, you know how I teased you with how your textbooks each quarter cost over $500, while I used the same book for theory for two years? I think this is where it all evens out. :P)
I'm ready for the summer to come. I had two papers due today, which the knowledge of is overwhelming in and of itself, not to mention the actual process of writing said papers. With them complete, I'm only 5 journals entries, a research proposal, and a final exam away from being done. Oh, plus Ivy Cutting and Commencement. *internally kicks self for being required to do post-finals concerts* Also, I got all of the music ready for our final two performances, with relatively few hitches. And I got a free massage! You can say it was a productive day, but it was also incredibly draining.
Tomorrow promises to be a better day. Proctoring an exam for my aural skills kids at 8:30, getting some practicing done, then work from 1:30 til about 4:30 (I keep getting done with training early...hard to get training that is only really is going through the motions of being a barista, while also staying out of the way of those actually making drinks, and trying to soak in as much information as possible so hopefully I won't crash and burn on Saturday), plus a concert (SPU orchestra!) at 7:30. Did I mention my professor lost my music? Yup, I didn't, he actually lost it for me. At least he can't be mad at me :P But that's on my to-do list too...print out new music. Thank God for pieces that are public domain.
On a more reflective note, I think I'm realizing that I've grown more cynical of not only myself, or of life, but also of those all around me. I'll make a confession right here and now (which will hopefully give background for this discussion): I've had a few drinks while at college, and I'm still not 21.
Okay, so most of you guys are probably rolling your eyes and sighing at me. Mom and Dad, sorry...but I promise I did it very responsibly! Anyway, the point is, I'm realizing that it's just not that fun and interesting for me. I think when I do turn 21, I'll go to a bar or a nice restaurant, enjoy flashing my ID and ordering a drink, but the actual drinking part isn't really fun. I'm too tiny and metabolize everything too fast for me to really have even one drink without getting tipsy, and because of that fact, the couple of times I have had drinks with friends, they seem to only be interested in the hilarity of how lightweight I am when it comes to alcohol. I'm not super amused by it any more. Plus, I don't like how I feel when I have alcohol in my system. It's like being unmedicated for my ADHD, I feel out of control, with no real understanding of how I'm acting or coming across to others.
So, my grand conclusion to that whole big paragraph? I'm over the idea of the fun of alcohol. And in a lot of ways, I'm glad I learned it before I turned 21, because then I didn't have the danger of being out and about and buying a lot of liquor. Maybe it's because I'm not a big party animal, and I've never liked huge gatherings of people, so the "fun" of drinking parties is lost on me. I don't have to try drugs to know that I want nothing to do with them, and even though I've tried alcohol, I think I'm never going to be the type to get drunk on purpose, or drink past my limit. And here soon, I will be 21, and I'll be going out with good, close friends whom I trust very much to take care of me (and not in the get-me-drunk-off-my-rear sort of way).
And now, my friends, I shall bid you adieu until the next big thought or two come into my mind...or the next random occurrence that you should all share in happens.
~Allie
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