Summer!!!

It has finally arrived! That's right, after a long weekend of playing seemingly endless processionals and sappy music, I can finally say that my summer break has come. I look forward to putting my brain to rest for a little bit and just concentrating on making money and practicing.

After everything that was the craziness of finals, and how much time I took off from practicing/playing horn (translation: WAY too much...), I'm finally starting to feel super into doing it again. I enjoyed having a couple days spent baking and spinning, but I'm all ready to re-prioritize.

Not long before graduation, I got to say goodbye to one of my good friends before he went off and graduated on me. As we hugged, he gave me one last verbal kick in the pants by reminding me to work hard, and that he had faith in me and my ability. It's hard to realize that next year I'm starting this journey towards being a professional musician by myself...not that I'm totally alone, but now that I'm facing my senior year of my undergrad, I can't let myself lose steam. I got told a lot this year that this was the first time that my professors and fellow musicians really saw me buckle down and do what needed to be done, and I have to keep motivated so that I don't lose that over the summer.

My goal is to be back up to three hours a day by July. That gives me about 2 weeks, and then one week of maintaining it before I head to Florida for the horn camp where I'm meeting my (hopefully) private teacher for grad school. Not only is this goal practical (has anyone else ever been to a music camp where you aren't expected to play several hours each day?), but it reminds me that this is a really big opportunity, and I don't want to blow it. If I treat this like my grad school audition, I hope that it will help me to keep from getting complacent.

It's crazy to think about how much being a musician is both being an artist and an athlete. At least being a brass player is. I took a week off, and suddenly it feels like my abilities are back to being those of a 6th grader. You don't think about it at the time, but after taking the days off, you do feel like kicking yourself for being so dumb and not taking care of those muscles. *sigh* Someone remind me I said this the next time that school has become overwhelming and I'm deciding to take the day off of practicing for a little more homework time. So not worth it.

On a happier note, I am very proud to announce that I baked my very first pie this afternoon! I haven't taste tested it, but it smells amazing. :D

The Beginning of the End

It's getting to be that time. I have an album of pictures on facebook with the same title, all of pictures taken in my last days of high school, and yet again, I'm getting ready to think about lasts.

I've registered for fall quarter for the last time.
This will be the last time I play for Ivy Cutting and Commencement.
The orchestra concert was the last time I got to play with some of my favorite seniors.

And it's not even my senior year yet. Nope, that starts in about...24 hours (unless you say that the last class has to graduate first, and in that case, that will be in about 4 days). So many people close to me moving into the next stages of their lives. I'm so happy for them, and so very selfish about my loss. There are a very small handful of people that I won't let get away though, and have made the goal to interact with them fairly often, because they're too good of friends to let go.

Meanwhile, the weather has decided to make me forget that summer is coming. Yup, thanks Seattle, but I didn't forget where I lived. (For those of you not here right now, it's dark, grey, and pouring...and it's June.) I've had two lattes today, one to get going this morning, and one this afternoon because it was cold (and because I was meeting with a friend to get coffee...welcome to Seattle!).

We're in the final push to the end of classes. I have just a bit more writing to do, and I'm done. About three or four hours of work stand between me and being done with my junior year. When I surface again, I'll have more to say, I'm sure :)

~Allie

Self-reflection

I've been pondering...what is the purpose of my blog? There are the simple answers to that question: to give me an outlet to talk to a wider audience about my views, to update my friends and family into my life, or to share projects and ideas with others. The funny thing is, I'm not sure it matters as much to me what the purpose of my blog is as much as how much can/will/do I update it? See, there are those who have lots to say, and so they update daily (or even more often in some cases). There are people who practically never use their blogs. I lean towards that side, unfortunately, but now that I've reevaluated my schedule for this summer, I think it's time for me to step up and use it more frequently.

So, what is my schedule like for this summer? Okay, honestly, I have no real solid idea either. If I worked both of my jobs with the hours I would like, I'd be putting in about 50 hours a week. I might get a day off once in a while. I'll be exhausted, and it will take all my willpower to even think about practicing my horn when I get home in the afternoon/evening. I'll be able to afford the cost of living, plus save up to buy my new horn. Maybe even go to my horn camp in July (though there are a few bumps on the road to that one still). But after all that, I'll break even. I'll have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a shiny new instrument to play, and practically nothing in savings. I think the new horn is worth it, though. And way better to buy it basically with cash than to take out a loan on it, or use a credit card. (Dear science friends, you know how I teased you with how your textbooks each quarter cost over $500, while I used the same book for theory for two years? I think this is where it all evens out. :P)

I'm ready for the summer to come. I had two papers due today, which the knowledge of is overwhelming in and of itself, not to mention the actual process of writing said papers. With them complete, I'm only 5 journals entries, a research proposal, and a final exam away from being done. Oh, plus Ivy Cutting and Commencement. *internally kicks self for being required to do post-finals concerts* Also, I got all of the music ready for our final two performances, with relatively few hitches. And I got a free massage! You can say it was a productive day, but it was also incredibly draining.

Tomorrow promises to be a better day. Proctoring an exam for my aural skills kids at 8:30, getting some practicing done, then work from 1:30 til about 4:30 (I keep getting done with training early...hard to get training that is only really is going through the motions of being a barista, while also staying out of the way of those actually making drinks, and trying to soak in as much information as possible so hopefully I won't crash and burn on Saturday), plus a concert (SPU orchestra!) at 7:30. Did I mention my professor lost my music? Yup, I didn't, he actually lost it for me. At least he can't be mad at me :P But that's on my to-do list too...print out new music. Thank God for pieces that are public domain.

On a more reflective note, I think I'm realizing that I've grown more cynical of not only myself, or of life, but also of those all around me. I'll make a confession right here and now (which will hopefully give background for this discussion): I've had a few drinks while at college, and I'm still not 21.
Okay, so most of you guys are probably rolling your eyes and sighing at me. Mom and Dad, sorry...but I promise I did it very responsibly! Anyway, the point is, I'm realizing that it's just not that fun and interesting for me. I think when I do turn 21, I'll go to a bar or a nice restaurant, enjoy flashing my ID and ordering a drink, but the actual drinking part isn't really fun. I'm too tiny and metabolize everything too fast for me to really have even one drink without getting tipsy, and because of that fact, the couple of times I have had drinks with friends, they seem to only be interested in the hilarity of how lightweight I am when it comes to alcohol. I'm not super amused by it any more. Plus, I don't like how I feel when I have alcohol in my system. It's like being unmedicated for my ADHD, I feel out of control, with no real understanding of how I'm acting or coming across to others.

So, my grand conclusion to that whole big paragraph? I'm over the idea of the fun of alcohol. And in a lot of ways, I'm glad I learned it before I turned 21, because then I didn't have the danger of being out and about and buying a lot of liquor. Maybe it's because I'm not a big party animal, and I've never liked huge gatherings of people, so the "fun" of drinking parties is lost on me. I don't have to try drugs to know that I want nothing to do with them, and even though I've tried alcohol, I think I'm never going to be the type to get drunk on purpose, or drink past my limit. And here soon, I will be 21, and I'll be going out with good, close friends whom I trust very much to take care of me (and not in the get-me-drunk-off-my-rear sort of way).

And now, my friends, I shall bid you adieu until the next big thought or two come into my mind...or the next random occurrence that you should all share in happens.

~Allie

A gigantic life update

That's right, it's life-update time! It's been a crazy quarter. I mean, most quarters I have seem pretty crazy, but this one has been busier than usual.

Reason #1: I'm actually taking a bunch of credits of classes.
I decided that this would be a great quarter to take two general education classes, on top of my music ones, so I'm actually hauling what most people call a normal number of credits. 17, I believe. Unfortunately, upper division gen eds have a tendency to kick your butt when it comes to homework. If I'm not in a class, practicing, or sleeping, I tend to be reading for these two classes (Modern East Asian History and Christian Theology, if you were curious). Or, at least I was until the sun came out to play again. Being in Seattle makes you appreciate the sun more, but it also makes you want to do nothing but be outside when the weather is not only sunny, but also around 75. I find this kills any motivation for doing homework faster than an ant can find a crumb in your kitchen.

Reason #2: I had my junior recital in the middle of the quarter.
May 7th, to be exact. It was amazing, and went wonderfully, and I was really happy. But it was quite the time sucker for a while. Lots of rehearsing and practicing and more practicing, plus mock performances...it ruled supreme in my life for quite a bit leading up to it. I'm happy to have it over, but I really can't wait until my senior recital next year. It's going to be awesome!

Reason #3: I started a new job.

This has been fairly recent, in fact I only started working there last week, but I'm now a barista at Starbucks! I have one picture of me with my apron and everything on, but I look super sleepy, so I'll pass on sharing it for now. None the less, it's taken away some time as well. I love it, and I definitely think it's the coolest work environment I've been in...maybe ever.

So, there you have it. That's where I've been. Racing around like a crazy person, hoping to God I remember to buy groceries so I can eat, and finishing off my third (oh gosh, yes, my third) year of college. I can't believe that this is my last graduation I'll be playing at. Well...strike that. I am RELIEVED this is the last graduation I'll play at. Trying to start my job early makes it really obvious to me that I'm stuck doing school-related things long after I would be done. But, on the other hand, I already have two summer jobs lined up, I just hope that I can juggle my schedules decently. 

This graduation is definitely hitting closer to home than the last two have. I've been closer to a lot of the people in the class of 2012 than I was with previous classes, and I'll be sad to see them go. I actually panic a little because there are people who I've considered friends at college that I may never see again, and that makes me sad. I hope to stay in contact with a few of them (more than just the occasional happy birthday on facebook), but I'm still a little unsure how to do that without being bothersome. I'll figure it out, I suppose.

The timeline my life is mostly following feels like it's always speeding up. I know everyone says that life just seems to keep rushing away from you, but suddenly I'm making plans for graduate school, and saving money like a boss (haha) to buy things like a new horn and a trip to Florida before I'm completely out on my own and paying for everything. (A side note, the trip to Florida is in fact an educational thing. It's my trial run with the guy who hopefully will be my professor in grad school, just without the cost of a plane ticket to Switzerland :D) It's also meant a lot of deep discussions with James about where we are and where we're going. 

Relationships are personal things, and I like thinking that mine is fairly private. Thank James for that, all you people who barf at signs of affection...he's the one with all the common sense for those kinds of things. (haha) But none the less, not very long ago we reached our 2 1/2 year mark, and I was kind of flabbergasted. It's not a bad thing; I'm not unhappy or anything. Mostly it's just crazy to think of how long we've been together. I also get teased occasionally about how when we finally get engaged, everyone's just going to sigh "Finally" rather than be surprised. Sorry guys, it's going to be a while yet.

 That's one hard realization about how life is going along. With him taking an extra year to graduate (though a BS in computer science is worth it), and I'm going straight on to grad school, it just doesn't seem practical to start a marriage any time soon. And it's okay. We're very young, have a lot of life yet to live, and have time to spare before making a huge decision like that. It's a good thing, in a lot of ways, because it gives time for him to live truly out on his own and check out the real world without another human being to support, and it gives me time to make sure that music is what I want to do, and explore some of the world without worrying about being completely settled. 

That doesn't make it easy. (And for those of my friends who have read this rant and for some reason have stuck with me for this long on this blog, skip to whatever next part is coming that isn't related to our relationship :D) It is hard seeing other people start dating, get engaged, get married, etc. while he and I are still dating. But just reminding myself that we're doing what we see is best for us and our lives helps to reassure me when the green monster of jealousy is running rampant. We'll see how I'm doing this time next year when ring-by-spring-itis has really kicked in. I am a little sheltered, considering James and I are the only dating couple in our group of friends, it seems. Most everyone else is single. Thank you, guys, for putting up with us!

Okay, so back to the point. I'm alive! My dad started chatting with me on facebook this morning and commented how he and Mom hadn't heard from me in a while. I'm still here, really...at least I'm trying to be. 

A couple other random facts that have popped up since I last posted...I learned how to crochet. Really, I learned how to do a double chain, but it's perfect for what I need. I've been knitting this awesome blanket called the Beekeeper's Quilt for a long while (since last July) and finally decided to give myself that extra push to get really working on it again, I would start joining it together. 

So, each of the hexagons I've been knitting individually out of different yarns for a while. I embroidered on some of them (I spy with my little eye...a mushroom, a piano, a sheep, a bluebird and a swan!) and decided to make them the center of the "flowers" with coordinating other hexis as the "petals." Then in between the hexis is where the crocheting comes in...double chaining for days!!! It makes for a more flexible blanket than I would have gotten (I've been whip stitching the hexis together for maximum strength) before, and it makes up for the fact that they just aren't all the same exact size. I really like the effect the black yarn makes too. It sort of looks stained-glass-like and makes each individual flower stand out. Unfortunately, after joining about 100, I realized that my variety in what hexis were left was very limited. So...back to the knitting I go! ~180 hexis down, and I have no idea how many left to go. On the up side, people have given me tons of compliments on the one big joined section of the blanket thus far. 

So there you have it, that's a look into my life for the last few months. Hopefully once school gets out I'll have lots more adventures to share with everyone, probably full of fascinating interactions with customers. 

~Allie

A Day of Reflection

I had a pretty lazy Saturday today. I feel that usually if I went for half the day on a Saturday without practicing, my stomach would be in knots with stress. Today I decided that what I needed most was a day without stress, thus giving myself permission to not practice for the day, and just enjoy doing whatever, even if that meant doing nothing whatsoever.

I got out of my bed (excepting getting my muffin and glass of milk for breakfast and bringing them back to bed) at noon...I woke up sometime around 7 initially, but then went back to sleep until 10. In the couple hours I spent lying in bed, I explored Pottermore (finally...I was one of the original beta testers, but never got around to actually messing around on the site), chilled on Ravelry, Pinterest and Facebook, and just enjoyed being cozy and comfortable and totally relaxed.

About Pottermore. It's still in beta right now, and hopefully they're opening it up to the public next month, but until then, you only have access to the stuff related to the first book in the series. However, they added so much background information from J.K. Rowling that you wouldn't have ever known from just the books (or even the movies). There was a pretty extensive biography of Professor McGonagall...did you know that she and Professor Flitwick were (I think) in the same year at Hogwarts, and were both Hatstalls? (translation: the Sorting Hat was torn for a very long time over what house to sort them into) The fascinating thing is that the hat was torn between Griffindor and Ravenclaw for both of them. I love this series!

Anyway, I think if you want some fun stuff to do while rereading the series, or even just want a little more information about characters in Harry Potter, or how she came up with/wrote the whole series, you should check it out. //advertisement end ;)

Not that I'm going to go on about it, but I also spent a couple hours watching The Chronicles of Narnia (both the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian) while knitting hexipuffs.

Then came time for a cool benefit dinner for YMI (Youth Missions International) for my friend John. I got really inspired by all of the discussions about their missions and how to support them financially...which yes, I did sign up to donate some for them, because I really do value missions. But this goes beyond just the good food and the nice people...I follow John's wife, Rose, on her personal blog about her life, ministry, making a home with John (they're newlyweds) and just fun stuff like that. One of her recent blogs discussed some of the good/bad/ugly advice she's been given about her marriage, and the good piece of advice hit me very deeply.

Focus on serving God first, and the rest will follow.

It's something I'm not very good at in my relationship with James. I often tend to try to live my life totally around what he's doing, and how our relationship is going, rather than striving to serve God first, and letting Him take care of us. Unfortunately, I'm not totally sure how to serve God. I get stuck on the thoughts about how I should just drop everything and move to a foreign country and do missions work...or how I need to be super active in my church life, while doing something like helping host a Bible study. I hate making the excuse, but I really do feel like I don't have time. This is where being a music major is tough...when you add in evening ensembles to the mix, it often feels like service-for-God time is really limited. I guess it breaks down to: what is serving God?

I know that getting closer to God will help my relationship with James...and maybe it's not great that it took wanting a better relationship with James to desire a relationship with God to in turn benefit my relationship with James. (I'll pause here while you guys all try to sort that out :P) But, in the end, isn't all that matters is that I want to pursue a relationship with God. Period. ?

*Huff* This being Christian thing is hard. I should know that already, seeing as I've spent a large portion of my life as one. Then again, it's easier to have a faith when it's just an adjective about you rather than an adverb about the way you live your life. I think I'm still in adjective state right now. (Also, all English and grammar nuts out there, I know you don't technically live "Christianally" but it was about the idea, not the technicality :D )

So, here we go...on a journey to improving my spiritual status with God...with hardly any clue how to do it. Crossing my fingers I can figure this all out!

Oh, yeah, my horn playing is going fine. I have my recital jury right after I get back from spring break, and also two days after I do a mock audition at the Northwest Horn Symposium.

Also, I get to go to Las Vegas for spring break with James!!!!! Before you jump on any weird hypocrisy you think there might be about how I'm trying to be all "Christian" and now I'm going on a spring break trip to the gambling capitol of the United States with my boyfriend...we're staying with his family, we're not doing any gambling or drinking (since we're both underage), and really, I think we're mostly going because we get to go see Cirque du Soleil :D Just wanted to clarify ;)

I'm really excited, and officially he has the coolest family ever, since they told us that this is our vacation, and we can have them around as much or as little as we want. So awesome! I think we're still going to be around them a fair amount anyway...they're cool people :)

'Til next time!

~Allie

I learned how to spin!

I actually learned how to spin a couple weeks ago, but this was my first success with fiber that I bought. I'm still working on getting it more consistent, and hoping my next one will be thinner, but we'll see. I have a pattern in mind for it, but I need some more yardage first. Hoping it works out :D

Spinning is a dangerous new hobby...but it's so cool to think that I have more of a hand in the final product that I knit. Someday, I know I'll want a wheel, but I have so many other things that I need to save for first that it's going to have to wait for a while. I'm hoping for a decent tax return, so I'm crossing my fingers for that :D

Not much more to say, except that my jury went really well, and I can't wait until spring to see the sun again.

Juries...like the musical exam (not the court summons)

Yup, it's definitely that time of year again. For the vast majority of you not working to obtain degrees in music currently (nor having done it in the past), juries are a type of musical test where you stand up and play for a panel of professors, including your private instructor and your adviser. When you have finished, they usher you out of the room, talk about you and where you are in your playing, and then pass or fail you. I'm not really sure what happens if you fail a jury...I fortunately never have, but I'm pretty sure it's supposed to affect your grade in your lessons.

Anyway, education aside, it's juries week at school. Today I watched while vocalists panicked while filling out their jury sheets (a summary of all you've worked on since your last jury), tomorrow I'm sure all the instrumentalists will be doing so, and finally on Friday it will be the piano players' turn. I get to go on Thursday, so my stress hasn't arrived yet. Either that or it's already come and gone and I'm taking it in stride. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

Since my last post, I have played a big concert (woot Tchaikovsky's Fourth Symphony!), spun some yarn out of wool (big, BIG accomplishment), grown a little older and hopefully wiser, and just generally had some big moments of self-discovery.

Today's big self-discovery came out of my private lesson with my horn teacher. We were discussing my plans for graduate school, and how that fits into what's going on in my life now, and how I need to spend my time in preparation for it. I'm pretty sure that it's set that I'm going to take a year off between graduation and grad school, just because I'd love the extra time to practice my butt off, and work to repay some of those loans before jumping into new loans from the next round of school. Besides, as much growth as I've had in the last two years of serious study, I know I could grow even more. I'll never stop learning about how to play horn, but these years around college seem to be the really formative ones. I really am proud of how much better of a player I am from when I first came to school. During my lesson, my teacher asked if I ever had those thoughts of regret that I hadn't started early enough, or anything like that (in the context of understanding how my mind works). I could honestly say that I don't look back. The years I hardly touched my horn in high school were incredibly big years for personal development...my first year in college, I wasn't really sure I was going to be a music major. I'm proud that I figured it out as soon as I did, and really started to practice like I needed to (hello, three hours a day in a white cubicle of space, with nothing but my horn, maybe a piano, and me).

The funny thing is that despite all the anxiety about how up-in-the-air my life feels much of the time, I'm happy. I love playing horn (even when I hate it lol), I love getting to do what I do in ensembles, how I can relate to other geeky people just like me...and outside of music I'm so incredibly content.

My grandmother called today, just to check in and see how I was doing. She asked after my boyfriend, and checked that we were still dating (yes, 2 years, 3 months and counting :D), and when I replied yes, I loved her response. "Well, who knows? Maybe you two will end up attached later on." I kind of chuckled and told her that was the hope...but at the same time, we're really content to wait and see where life leads us first. We're young, and have a lot of life yet to live. No need to jump into marriage when we're not even close to graduating. Okay, that's a lie. I'm close to graduating, with just over a year of school left. He has just over two. Eeek!

So, the summary of this blog post is this: :)

~Allie